"On freshly fallen, silent shrouded snow..." - Simon & Garfunkel
There is nothing more beautiful than gray tree brances dusted with snow, reaching into a powder-blue sky. This was the sight that greeted me this morning on my way to work- cold and clear, slushy streets, broken cornstalks pushing up through patches of snow... yet along the horizon, perfect beauty.
I love snow. There is nothing more inviting than the thought of Steve and me in a hot tub, looking out over a snow-covered landscape through frosty panes of glass. When I lived in Monticello, our 100+ year old farmhouse had two set-in porches on the west side of the house which had, at one time, been open. They had been fitted with floor-to-ceiling sliding glass doors in recent years, but Allerton Park had kept the original wrought iron accents, and I always envisioned the down-stairs porch as the perfect place for a hot tub.
I guess it is bad to imagine Steve and me there when I lived there with the ex, but it's my fantasy- so I can imagine anything I want. Just us, sharing a nice bottle of wine, watching the snow fall while soaking in the hot tub.
And later, we could start a nice fire in the hearth and get BIZZAY!
(Come on, I am ME, you know...)
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
An Open Letter
Dear Little Old People on the Road Between 6:30 am and 8:30 am:
Do you ever wonder why other cars are tailgating you so close, you can't read their license plates? Have you ever fiddled with your hearing aid, asking yourself if that honking noise is coming from a low battery, or the vehicles in your immediate vicinity? Do you ever wonder why other drivers are shooting you evil looks or mouthing obscenities at you as they pass by?
I'll clue you in: DRIVE THE FUCKING SPEED LIMIT!
I am not generally a rude person, and I believe in respecting my elders, but when employed people are trying to get to work on time, your asses should be at home, not on the roadways (and certainly not in the passing lane!) unless you can MOVE WITH A PURPOSE. I don't care if you need milk for breakfast, or if there is an early-bird special at the I-Hop, or if you're desperately trying to sneak home from your geriatric girlfriend's house after a night of old people sex before your kids and grandkids find out. If you can't drive the speed limit, stay off the frickin' road until I am at work!
Do you ever wonder why other cars are tailgating you so close, you can't read their license plates? Have you ever fiddled with your hearing aid, asking yourself if that honking noise is coming from a low battery, or the vehicles in your immediate vicinity? Do you ever wonder why other drivers are shooting you evil looks or mouthing obscenities at you as they pass by?
I'll clue you in: DRIVE THE FUCKING SPEED LIMIT!
I am not generally a rude person, and I believe in respecting my elders, but when employed people are trying to get to work on time, your asses should be at home, not on the roadways (and certainly not in the passing lane!) unless you can MOVE WITH A PURPOSE. I don't care if you need milk for breakfast, or if there is an early-bird special at the I-Hop, or if you're desperately trying to sneak home from your geriatric girlfriend's house after a night of old people sex before your kids and grandkids find out. If you can't drive the speed limit, stay off the frickin' road until I am at work!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Brain Farts
Okay. So I missed a mandatory fitness staff meeting yesterday.
WTF???
I swear my mind is slowly beginning to atrophy.
Ho hum. Sunday night blues. Got most of my Christmas shopping done this week end. Steve and I used Friday for the girls and Saturday for the boys- even though Josh and Scott are probably going to end up with some cash since we are drawing blanks on what to get them. It doesn't help when I call Josh and ask him about certain games, (his favorite type of gift,) only to be told that either his dad or grandma have already gotten THAT. So far Josh has an MP3 player. Exciting! Steve suggested a subscription to a nudie magazine or a blow up doll, but I graciously declined. Perv.
Then we got a lovely blanket of snow- I love it!- which made for a long day indoors with all the kids under foot. And we didn't get a Christmas tree yet! UGH!
However- waking up with Steve is just heavenly. We keep the bedroom door open all night- just to show the kids there is no hanky panky going on, even though most of them don't even understand hanky-panky yet- but snuggling with him has got to be one of the greatest pleasures of my life. I never knew a man could be so affectionate, so loving- especially toward me. For so long, I hated myself for wanting and needing such things, things my ex would not and could not ever give (he always told me I was just 'needy'.) In such situations, one begins to feel that there must be something drastically wrong with oneself; something that makes one unworthy, unlovable. Now I know better.
And just for the record- I am humbled and utterly blown away by the devotion he shows me. The unconditional love, the acceptance of me just the way I am, the mutual giving. This love is crazy, reckless, and totally perfect. Still can't believe it at times, but I mean to enjoy every minute of it.
WTF???
I swear my mind is slowly beginning to atrophy.
Ho hum. Sunday night blues. Got most of my Christmas shopping done this week end. Steve and I used Friday for the girls and Saturday for the boys- even though Josh and Scott are probably going to end up with some cash since we are drawing blanks on what to get them. It doesn't help when I call Josh and ask him about certain games, (his favorite type of gift,) only to be told that either his dad or grandma have already gotten THAT. So far Josh has an MP3 player. Exciting! Steve suggested a subscription to a nudie magazine or a blow up doll, but I graciously declined. Perv.
Then we got a lovely blanket of snow- I love it!- which made for a long day indoors with all the kids under foot. And we didn't get a Christmas tree yet! UGH!
However- waking up with Steve is just heavenly. We keep the bedroom door open all night- just to show the kids there is no hanky panky going on, even though most of them don't even understand hanky-panky yet- but snuggling with him has got to be one of the greatest pleasures of my life. I never knew a man could be so affectionate, so loving- especially toward me. For so long, I hated myself for wanting and needing such things, things my ex would not and could not ever give (he always told me I was just 'needy'.) In such situations, one begins to feel that there must be something drastically wrong with oneself; something that makes one unworthy, unlovable. Now I know better.
And just for the record- I am humbled and utterly blown away by the devotion he shows me. The unconditional love, the acceptance of me just the way I am, the mutual giving. This love is crazy, reckless, and totally perfect. Still can't believe it at times, but I mean to enjoy every minute of it.
Cookie Time!
Grace and Abby have happy cookie faces. And who isn't happy when mom makes homemade peanut butter cookies?!!
Lord, cheesy!
The center is the best part.
Even homies enjoy mom's cookies.
Abby heartily approves! Christmas Program
Pre-show posing. JE has a million friends, most of whom are female. Scary.
JE singing. He loves to sing- always has- and he performs with gusto. definately not his father's genes! (Notice our friend Cameron in the foreground.)
Baby G in her Christmas dress, getting ready for her debut.
Blurry Baby G.So last night was the grade school Christmas program (duh!) Troy and his family sat in the top of the bleachers while my parents and I sat in the gym-floor chairs on the aisle. (Better for photography!) Yes- my parents sat 'together' (well, Mom sat in front of Dad and me.) And they were civil. I guess it's a start.
It was odd to be there sans husband, but liberating at the same time. No uncomfortable man sitting next to me, watching the crowd with rising anxiety, never cracking a smile or interacting with me. Looking over my head, half-bored/half panicked, stiff and unfriendly. No dashing through the crowd to get to the car ASAP, hauling the kids out by their coats. I was actually able to relax and enjoy myself.
And... Steve went home early from work from illness. He also had his first PT today for his tricep. He is, in a word, surly. Wish he was here in my bed, waiting for me, but I guess I can wait for this week-end.
Oh, and I'm not pregnant, but Jessica (Y boss) is!
Something Yummy This Way Poureth...
Wild Vines Blackberry Merlot. Cheap, delicious and effective.
Just like me!
Just like me!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Outdoor Fun
JJ, JE, Emily, JA, and Baby G in the tower
JE, Emily, and Baby G
JE, otherwise known as 'Steen'!
Rum, anyone?
Baby G and her seashellsThis was Thanksgving at the Cabin this year, and what turned out to be a bit of a family dud rather than family fun. Normally I love living history recreations- Civil War Re-enactments, historical site interpretation, etc. But I realise my children have the attention spans of gnats, and so my fun is usually short, sweet, and to the point.
Knowing this, I was still determined to have a good time. The park interpreters prepared a traditional early-settler's Thanksgiving dinner (fried corn bread, pumpkin roasted in its shell, cranberry relish) and I knew the kids would like to sample a bit of everything, so I planned a quick visit at the cabin, a short nature walk on a mini-trail, then a sojourn to the playground at the visitor's center. But the best laid plans.... usually end up in shreds.
First of all, my mother decided to come along. Never a good idea, unless I have another adult there to temper her tongue. She takes every opportunity to blast me, and I find if I have witness, she keeps it to herself. And of course, she had Emily with her (she takes her every Sunday so my sister and her husband can pretend to minister.) Think 11 year old girl going on 17 who has no siblings... Let's just say the two of them together were too much for me, and I found myself wishing I'd brought the kids by myself.
But I got some great pix!!!
Monday, December 10, 2007
Steve
Steve is having a h*ll of time lately. Right now he is deathly ill- probably got it from me- and when a man who is NEVER sick gets the flu, he becomes a real BEAR. I insisted he go to the walk-in clinic Saturday afternoon and he got some antibiotics, but the poor man is just miserable. He coughed for two hours Sat night and has not been able to get warm for several days.
On top of this, I think he tore a tricep muscle a few weeks back. Every time he tries to lift (or even function!) it kills him. So today he is on his way to CMI for an X-ray and another doctor appt. Fun, fun- he hates doctors.
To make matters even more interesting, he spent almost a full week in Tifton getting equipment ready and people down there trained (lots of travel,) then came back to a Cluster F*ck In D'ville, since no one seems to be able to function without him.
And he has a face-to-face interview in SPI Friday. Spring field may be a fight with the ex, but it is certainly closer that Georgia.
Pray for him.
On top of this, I think he tore a tricep muscle a few weeks back. Every time he tries to lift (or even function!) it kills him. So today he is on his way to CMI for an X-ray and another doctor appt. Fun, fun- he hates doctors.
To make matters even more interesting, he spent almost a full week in Tifton getting equipment ready and people down there trained (lots of travel,) then came back to a Cluster F*ck In D'ville, since no one seems to be able to function without him.
And he has a face-to-face interview in SPI Friday. Spring field may be a fight with the ex, but it is certainly closer that Georgia.
Pray for him.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Post-Thanksgiving Blues
Autumn has always been my favorite time of year- from the beginning of school, to the changing leaves, the drop in temperatures, Halloween... right up to Thanksgving. I love the colors, I love the clothes (I'm a girl!) I love the comfort foods, the smell of weiner-roast fires and fireplaces, you name it. But it never fails that by the time Thanksgving rolls around, I am usually deathly sick with my first cold of the season. Though I did not submit to getting a flu shot this year (my family tends to get sicker than a dog from them,) I do take extraordinary precautions to keep myself well: hand sanitizer, vitamins, plenty of fruits and vegetables, and of course, prayer. But sometimes worse comes to worse and I get sick anyway. Like this year.
Despite my bronchitis (yippee- antibiotics. Thanks for the Diflucan, doc, so i don't get a double-whammy,) Thanksgiving was relatively good this year. I had the kids Thurs/Fri and Troy has had them since Friday night- we agreed with no argument- and I had a small dinner here with my dad and step-mom, my kids, and Steve. This is the first time JA and Steve have been in the same house for any period of time, and the decision to insist he stay was made by both his father and me. Surprise! Hell did not freeze over! But that is not to say everything went off without a hitch.
First of all, my three younger children have now become familiar enough with Steve to open up on him with both barrels- especially JJ. He is a very patient man, but he got testy with them this week-end, and for good reason. JJ decided to wipe peanut butter on his shirt during dinner, he demanded Steve take him to Casey's so he could spend his money on new trading cards (banned in my house now,) stole both Steve's wallet and cell phone on separate occasions, and then- the piece de resistance- drew on his shirt with a black marker. All this was on top of the fighting, back-talk, and general mayhem that follows my children on a daily basis, and I was mortified. I made JJ apologise to Steve, but this garbage must stop- and Steve let him know it in a hurry.
I think they really want his attention and are testing him at the same time. They love to pick on him so he'll wrestle with them or chase them around the house- it's really funny and he enjoys it as much as they do. But JA, on the other hand....
Right before Thanksgiving dinner, Steve was wrestling JJ around because JJ was being a pest and seriously asking for it. When they were done, JA came from behind and grabbed Steve and the two of them then began a 'friendly' wrestling match in my kitchen floor. All hell broke loose- I wish I had pictures!- and while Steve eventually won, it was a little tense. JA was testing him, too, but in a much more serious way than his brothers and sister.
But dinner was then a peaceful affair, Friday was kind of crazy... then the kids went to stay with Troy and I spent the balance of the week-end with Steve and Abby. Now, back home and waiting for my kids to arrive, I feel that old familiar sadness I get every Sunday night when I face another long, drawn-out week alone, being Mom to the best of my ability and wishing like crazy Steve was here. He has to go to Tifton in another week or so to start setting up equipment for the new plant and I am going to miss him terribly- not sure what the job future holds for him yet, but there are just no nibbles around here whatsoever. He has floated his resume around (I think it's time to try CMI,) but for some reason I think we are heading East- into indiana. Not sure why I think this, and I need to get away to fast and pray about it- make sure it's God and not me- but I guess it will all be revealed eventually.
And me? Taking care of business, worrying over money, trying to keep my fitness from slipping and, oh yeah, there is a good possibility I may be pregnant.
Ain't life grand?
Despite my bronchitis (yippee- antibiotics. Thanks for the Diflucan, doc, so i don't get a double-whammy,) Thanksgiving was relatively good this year. I had the kids Thurs/Fri and Troy has had them since Friday night- we agreed with no argument- and I had a small dinner here with my dad and step-mom, my kids, and Steve. This is the first time JA and Steve have been in the same house for any period of time, and the decision to insist he stay was made by both his father and me. Surprise! Hell did not freeze over! But that is not to say everything went off without a hitch.
First of all, my three younger children have now become familiar enough with Steve to open up on him with both barrels- especially JJ. He is a very patient man, but he got testy with them this week-end, and for good reason. JJ decided to wipe peanut butter on his shirt during dinner, he demanded Steve take him to Casey's so he could spend his money on new trading cards (banned in my house now,) stole both Steve's wallet and cell phone on separate occasions, and then- the piece de resistance- drew on his shirt with a black marker. All this was on top of the fighting, back-talk, and general mayhem that follows my children on a daily basis, and I was mortified. I made JJ apologise to Steve, but this garbage must stop- and Steve let him know it in a hurry.
I think they really want his attention and are testing him at the same time. They love to pick on him so he'll wrestle with them or chase them around the house- it's really funny and he enjoys it as much as they do. But JA, on the other hand....
Right before Thanksgiving dinner, Steve was wrestling JJ around because JJ was being a pest and seriously asking for it. When they were done, JA came from behind and grabbed Steve and the two of them then began a 'friendly' wrestling match in my kitchen floor. All hell broke loose- I wish I had pictures!- and while Steve eventually won, it was a little tense. JA was testing him, too, but in a much more serious way than his brothers and sister.
But dinner was then a peaceful affair, Friday was kind of crazy... then the kids went to stay with Troy and I spent the balance of the week-end with Steve and Abby. Now, back home and waiting for my kids to arrive, I feel that old familiar sadness I get every Sunday night when I face another long, drawn-out week alone, being Mom to the best of my ability and wishing like crazy Steve was here. He has to go to Tifton in another week or so to start setting up equipment for the new plant and I am going to miss him terribly- not sure what the job future holds for him yet, but there are just no nibbles around here whatsoever. He has floated his resume around (I think it's time to try CMI,) but for some reason I think we are heading East- into indiana. Not sure why I think this, and I need to get away to fast and pray about it- make sure it's God and not me- but I guess it will all be revealed eventually.
And me? Taking care of business, worrying over money, trying to keep my fitness from slipping and, oh yeah, there is a good possibility I may be pregnant.
Ain't life grand?
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Ambivalent II
Okay. So I'll get down to what I really wanted to write about, and that is the Ex.
He looks like a cancer patient. Really. He has lost a massive amount of weight, making his cheeks sunk in and his clothes hang off his body. The scruffy beard doesn't help much, either. I know he just had surgery, but I told him today in my office that he needs to eat. Pronto.
Seeing him like that made me feel sorry for him, made me long for the days when I still believed he loved me. Or that, if I was just good enough, he would eventually love me. When I had hope that the dreams we dreamed together as college students would actually one day become reality. I can honestly say I miss that person.
And I wonder where that man went for the past 16 years. Every so often, I would get a glimpse of him- when he was relaxed enough to let down his guard and be Troy again. It never lasted very long, but it kept me hoping, kept me praying. The man who took me fossil hunting, who watched history documentaries by the dozen, shopped the OLD Banana Republic catalogue, listened to CCR and was so very kind to me.
I guess I am divorcing a very different man than I married, at least at the very first of our marriage. I would like to leave my children the legacy of two parents who at least, once upon a time, thought it would last a life time, a long, sunny, happy life time.
And what does one do with the good memories? Give them to God for safe keeping?
He looks like a cancer patient. Really. He has lost a massive amount of weight, making his cheeks sunk in and his clothes hang off his body. The scruffy beard doesn't help much, either. I know he just had surgery, but I told him today in my office that he needs to eat. Pronto.
Seeing him like that made me feel sorry for him, made me long for the days when I still believed he loved me. Or that, if I was just good enough, he would eventually love me. When I had hope that the dreams we dreamed together as college students would actually one day become reality. I can honestly say I miss that person.
And I wonder where that man went for the past 16 years. Every so often, I would get a glimpse of him- when he was relaxed enough to let down his guard and be Troy again. It never lasted very long, but it kept me hoping, kept me praying. The man who took me fossil hunting, who watched history documentaries by the dozen, shopped the OLD Banana Republic catalogue, listened to CCR and was so very kind to me.
I guess I am divorcing a very different man than I married, at least at the very first of our marriage. I would like to leave my children the legacy of two parents who at least, once upon a time, thought it would last a life time, a long, sunny, happy life time.
And what does one do with the good memories? Give them to God for safe keeping?
Ambivalent
Has it really been over two weeks since I posted?!!
Okay- Halloween was a big BUST for me since I worked that evening and Troy took the kids trick-or-treating. They came home with a large Eddie Bauer bag full of candy. Gee, thanks. I took a Walmart bag full to work, but it barely made a dent in it. It's almost gone now. And I wonder why my childrens' eyeballs bounce all the time.
No pix of the costumes, either. Blah.
Sorry, Kara.
Okay- Halloween was a big BUST for me since I worked that evening and Troy took the kids trick-or-treating. They came home with a large Eddie Bauer bag full of candy. Gee, thanks. I took a Walmart bag full to work, but it barely made a dent in it. It's almost gone now. And I wonder why my childrens' eyeballs bounce all the time.
No pix of the costumes, either. Blah.
Sorry, Kara.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Update
I apologise for not blogging much as of late- life has been moving along at break-neck speed and most of the time I am just holding on, trying not to fall off!
Steve goes to Georgia this week-end, and this also happens to be my week-end to have the kids. (Troy is having hernia surgery Friday- hope to God his mother or someone will be there to help him!) I have plenty to keep the munchkins busy- the Y holiday potluck Saturday night, Thanksgiving at the Cabin at our favorite county park, free bowling Sunday afternoon... but I have a feeling it will still be a long 2-3 days. Blah.
And the Y wants me to come back on an almost-full time basis and my boss is trying to make it worth my while monetarily. Will it be enough to purchase my own health insurance, though? I know I have a sure thing where I am- complete with benefits and retirement- and I really enjoy what I do, but I don't love it the way I loved working in fitness. And I work so many hours now that when I do teach classes Mon/Wed nights, I almost dread going in. Decisions, decisions... If Steve and I were married (yes, he supports my going back to the Y full-heartedly,) I would go back tomorrow. But we're not married and I have to take care of me right now.
More later.
Steve goes to Georgia this week-end, and this also happens to be my week-end to have the kids. (Troy is having hernia surgery Friday- hope to God his mother or someone will be there to help him!) I have plenty to keep the munchkins busy- the Y holiday potluck Saturday night, Thanksgiving at the Cabin at our favorite county park, free bowling Sunday afternoon... but I have a feeling it will still be a long 2-3 days. Blah.
And the Y wants me to come back on an almost-full time basis and my boss is trying to make it worth my while monetarily. Will it be enough to purchase my own health insurance, though? I know I have a sure thing where I am- complete with benefits and retirement- and I really enjoy what I do, but I don't love it the way I loved working in fitness. And I work so many hours now that when I do teach classes Mon/Wed nights, I almost dread going in. Decisions, decisions... If Steve and I were married (yes, he supports my going back to the Y full-heartedly,) I would go back tomorrow. But we're not married and I have to take care of me right now.
More later.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
DUNZO!
Well, I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later: JA and Sh'Elizabeth are officially done and over with. We saw the writing on the wall when he got back from South Carolina- the phone calls were few, far between, and brief; she never invited him out with her family anymore; she never had time for him or accepted his invitations. I know, I know- 15 year old angst. But he is just devastated, and I guess the break up has polarized their friends.
Thank God for Jordan, Shep, and Zach- they have kept him sane.
I know it is of little consolation, but there are plenty of other young ladies who wouldn't mind taking her place- a Mama just knows these things (especially when she watches the little hussies around her son!) No rebounding, baby- just roll with it.
Thank God for Jordan, Shep, and Zach- they have kept him sane.
I know it is of little consolation, but there are plenty of other young ladies who wouldn't mind taking her place- a Mama just knows these things (especially when she watches the little hussies around her son!) No rebounding, baby- just roll with it.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Party Til Ya Puke!
Party #2 Saturday, after soccer. Green punch, fall-themed cupcakes, and friends galore. What more could a boy want?
Cameron, Abby, and Grace making birthday cards for Jon. They were all very insulting, but I guess it's the thought that counts.
Cameron with a mouthful of cake.
And Baby G- Sunday, just cuz she's cute.Birthday Boy (Finally!)
Birthday morning! Look- he's actually smiling! (Unlike his school pictures, which are being sent back. Ugh!) My little man is ten years old now; all day at work, I kept writing "10/10/97" instead of "10/10/07". I can't believe he has ben with me a whole decade.
And here is JJ with his (first) cake Friday night after my dad and step-mom brought us fried chicken (his fave) for his birthday dinner. I can rarely get even a tiny grin out of this kid, so this smile is priceless (I told him to say 'I like boobies!')
JE and Baby G enjoying the party.
And here is JA with the birthday boy. Let's just say JA and I had an altercation after this was taken- on the day of one's brother's birthday, one should not be calling Grandparents for a visit, and when Mother says you may visit said grandparents at SEVEN O'CLOCK, one should not tell them to arrive at SIX. It's just not kosher.Friday, October 12, 2007
It Just Gets Better
So. Is he coming for dinner, or is he staying there with Abby? Are they both coming? For dinner/cake? Overnight? Is he coming over by himself later?
I am so confused.
On a side note: when will services be? Are Steve's parents coming? (He called them this morning.)
Again, I am so confused.
I am so confused.
On a side note: when will services be? Are Steve's parents coming? (He called them this morning.)
Again, I am so confused.
And Friday Continues...
So I guess Steve is off work, but Abby is not coming over tonight because her mom wants to see her (Hell is now partially frozen over.) Steve came to see me at work, and he is really taking this hard- such a tough exterior, such a tender heart. I held him for as long as I could (since I wasn't on break,) then he left to go to Loretta's house to be there for the family. (Jess was already there and Michael was on his way.) And he wants to be the one to get Abby off the bus- for obvious reasons.
So I called a couple minutes ago and I guess he is doing better- staying strong, stoic- and they are trying to clean up the house and get things organized (???) Then had to get off the phone because 'everyone's just getting here.' Everyone. Guess that includes the ex. Hope her boy-toy is around; I don't trust that bitch any farther than I can throw her, but I know she'll mind her manners with Mike around.
I told Steve to hang in there and do what he had to do. I'll try to get him again on break.
So I called a couple minutes ago and I guess he is doing better- staying strong, stoic- and they are trying to clean up the house and get things organized (???) Then had to get off the phone because 'everyone's just getting here.' Everyone. Guess that includes the ex. Hope her boy-toy is around; I don't trust that bitch any farther than I can throw her, but I know she'll mind her manners with Mike around.
I told Steve to hang in there and do what he had to do. I'll try to get him again on break.
Malfunction
I was going to post pictures on JJ's birthday (Wednesday) but 1.) my digital camera only took one decent picture that day (the rest are dark for some reason,) and 2.) I tried loading that picture into Blogger, but it won't load. WTF?
Wednesday might have technically been his birthday, but our real festivities will start tonight. Dad and Pat are going to bring over some fried chicken (which JJ loves,) and we will have cake and ice cream for dessert. Then, tomorrow after the soccer games, Mom and maybe Amanda will be over for more goodies and celebrating. Then Troy has a party for him Sunday after church!! I will try to post the pics I get this week end, but no guarantees.
NEWS FLASH: Steve just called. Loretta passed early this morning. He is really upset (understandably,) and now has to figure out how to organize this week end. He is getting Abby off the bus and I asked him to bring her to my house for a sleep over so he can work. I will take her to the games with me tomorrow if he has to work again, and we will go from there.
More later- my break just ended.
Wednesday might have technically been his birthday, but our real festivities will start tonight. Dad and Pat are going to bring over some fried chicken (which JJ loves,) and we will have cake and ice cream for dessert. Then, tomorrow after the soccer games, Mom and maybe Amanda will be over for more goodies and celebrating. Then Troy has a party for him Sunday after church!! I will try to post the pics I get this week end, but no guarantees.
NEWS FLASH: Steve just called. Loretta passed early this morning. He is really upset (understandably,) and now has to figure out how to organize this week end. He is getting Abby off the bus and I asked him to bring her to my house for a sleep over so he can work. I will take her to the games with me tomorrow if he has to work again, and we will go from there.
More later- my break just ended.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Cluster F*ck
Okay. So the plant where Steve is employed is officially shutting its doors in 12 to 18 months. WTF??? This company has been in town for over fifty years. It is a manufacturing icon of the city. When other plants laid workers off, down-sized, out-sourced, or closed their door altogether, this plant stayed profitable. Now it will be just another empty manufacturing building in a (small) city where manufacturing was once king.
Sad.
But what is even sadder is that, after almost ten years, Steve is going to have to start over again. The company has offered him a job in their Georgia plant- with better pay and excellent benefits, including a relocation packaage-they are even flying their employees down for a week end to scout the terrain. But Georgia is a long way from Abby (unless he gets custody,) even farther from Scott, and way too far from me. I promised Troy I would not take his kids away from him, and I mean to keep my promise. If it was just me, we'd be gone at the first opportunity- but it's not just me. It's my life, plus the lives of four kids. I have uprooted them enough in their short lives, and they have weathered an enormous storm since their dad and I split up. I just couldn't do this to them.
D'town? Yep. CMI? You bet. Even Lafayette. But not Georgia.
Sad.
But what is even sadder is that, after almost ten years, Steve is going to have to start over again. The company has offered him a job in their Georgia plant- with better pay and excellent benefits, including a relocation packaage-they are even flying their employees down for a week end to scout the terrain. But Georgia is a long way from Abby (unless he gets custody,) even farther from Scott, and way too far from me. I promised Troy I would not take his kids away from him, and I mean to keep my promise. If it was just me, we'd be gone at the first opportunity- but it's not just me. It's my life, plus the lives of four kids. I have uprooted them enough in their short lives, and they have weathered an enormous storm since their dad and I split up. I just couldn't do this to them.
D'town? Yep. CMI? You bet. Even Lafayette. But not Georgia.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Game Day
Yes, folks, I attended my very first college football game this week-end. Had it not been for the 90+ degree heat, I would have enjoyed it immensely. It was a good game, and any day with Steve is a good day, but I DON'T DO HEAT. (And WTF? It is October, and everybody knows football is best enjoyed while wrapped in a stadium blanket, sipping hot chocolate, and shivering.) The Illini won over Wisconsin (I am an Illini fan/Steve is a Wisconsin fan...) but it was still a very enjoyable day. Next time, however, we will leave much earlier and get more info on parking. THAT was a nightmare!
Look at that sea of Orange! The only thing missing was the Chief- who was abolished last year. !@#$% PC BS! BRING BACK THE CHIEF!!!
And here is my Steve, eating breakfast at Micky D's. We were both half-pukey from the grease, but it was better than nothing. God, I love that man!Week End Recovery and an Adventure in Lutheran-land!
One of the nicest perks about working for the county is having 14 paid holidays per year, and today is one of them. If I were truly patriotic (or still home schooling,) I would use the next 24 hours to study Christopher Columbus and his contribution to the founding of our nation, the Native Americans he helped to eradicate, or the era of exploration in general. Instead, I will probably end up cleaning house (it truly needs it,) geting laundry done (with a rented dryer since mine bit the dust two days ago and cannot be fixed until whenever,) and enjoying a day at home with my kiddos. I still have to teach class at the Y tonight, but until them I am going to be in full-Mom mode. Care to join me?
I think I will also take this opportunity to describe my adventures in Lutheran-land!
Let me first preface this part of the post by saying my spiritual life is very important to me. My personal beliefs are the very core of who I am and they shape and color every area of my life. I was 'raised' (ha!) in a conservative Baptist church where Bible-banging, finger-pointing, and denominational back biting were part of every service. Legalism was preached as gospel truth, yet the love, mercy, and power of Christ were glaringly absent. And let's just say their position on women was archaic (my mother had a field day with THAT!) I was born again and baptised, and inside of me I knew there had to be more to my Christianity than a bunch of man-made rules and fake meekness (my Spirit knew the Truth!) but I certainly did not find it there.
Unfortunately, this church also believed they held the patent on salvation. All other churches/denominations had it wrong: the only way to heaven was the Baptist way (Conservative Baptist, not American Baptist, Freewill Baptist, Southern Baptist....) Interdenominational mingling or activities or alliances were strongly discouraged.
Needless to say, as an adult, I found this to be False Doctrine. About seven years ago I met a group of dynamic Christian women- bold, passionate Charismatic Sistas!- and my life has never been the same. My church- New Life- has been my very life blood ever since, and I have grown by leaps and bounds. Such liberty! Such joy! Such power! I am no spiritual giant, but I can definitely say I can see a difference.
Enter Steve. Steve was raised- literally- in the Lutheran church. And this 'raising' was not merely church on Sundays, either- he was an accolite (sp) in choir, confirmed (three years of catechism!) baptised, and basically steeped in the church. His parents' faith is a wondrous thing- strong and pure- and they made sure their children knew who they were as Lutherans just as surely as they knew who they were as their offspring. (I admire this- shared faith is powerful, and I could tell upon our first serious conversation that he was raised right- the man he is in his inner-most core is the man they raised him to be, the mna God designed him to be.)
Steve's spiritual journey has been a long process. He backed away from God for many years, but came back to Him with a passion out of adversity and desperation. And Jesus not only met him half-way, I believe He pursued Steve, grabbed him, and and now has him in a choke hold. His devotion to and love for his church have been at the center of his personal/spiritual 180.
So- I have decided to give Lutheranism a try. I have heard they are just lazy Catholics- thanks, Kara- and, being very Protestant, I was a little worried about that. However, since my own Spiritual awakening, I have found tremendous, profound faith in both my Lutheran and Catholic sisters- the same Spirit!- so off I go...
My take on the Lutheran church (so far): beautiful service, beautiful in its tradition and history. Not oppressive, but definitely a far cry from my holy-rolling, contemporary Charismatic service. The creeds are Biblically sound, the doctrine as well, and to watch Steve at church- to watch the reverence and peace that floods him- is amazing. I will not be unequally yoked ever again, and I spiritual unity is at the top of my priority list.
So. How does one become a Lutheran? Three years of catechism is out of the question!
I think I will also take this opportunity to describe my adventures in Lutheran-land!
Let me first preface this part of the post by saying my spiritual life is very important to me. My personal beliefs are the very core of who I am and they shape and color every area of my life. I was 'raised' (ha!) in a conservative Baptist church where Bible-banging, finger-pointing, and denominational back biting were part of every service. Legalism was preached as gospel truth, yet the love, mercy, and power of Christ were glaringly absent. And let's just say their position on women was archaic (my mother had a field day with THAT!) I was born again and baptised, and inside of me I knew there had to be more to my Christianity than a bunch of man-made rules and fake meekness (my Spirit knew the Truth!) but I certainly did not find it there.
Unfortunately, this church also believed they held the patent on salvation. All other churches/denominations had it wrong: the only way to heaven was the Baptist way (Conservative Baptist, not American Baptist, Freewill Baptist, Southern Baptist....) Interdenominational mingling or activities or alliances were strongly discouraged.
Needless to say, as an adult, I found this to be False Doctrine. About seven years ago I met a group of dynamic Christian women- bold, passionate Charismatic Sistas!- and my life has never been the same. My church- New Life- has been my very life blood ever since, and I have grown by leaps and bounds. Such liberty! Such joy! Such power! I am no spiritual giant, but I can definitely say I can see a difference.
Enter Steve. Steve was raised- literally- in the Lutheran church. And this 'raising' was not merely church on Sundays, either- he was an accolite (sp) in choir, confirmed (three years of catechism!) baptised, and basically steeped in the church. His parents' faith is a wondrous thing- strong and pure- and they made sure their children knew who they were as Lutherans just as surely as they knew who they were as their offspring. (I admire this- shared faith is powerful, and I could tell upon our first serious conversation that he was raised right- the man he is in his inner-most core is the man they raised him to be, the mna God designed him to be.)
Steve's spiritual journey has been a long process. He backed away from God for many years, but came back to Him with a passion out of adversity and desperation. And Jesus not only met him half-way, I believe He pursued Steve, grabbed him, and and now has him in a choke hold. His devotion to and love for his church have been at the center of his personal/spiritual 180.
So- I have decided to give Lutheranism a try. I have heard they are just lazy Catholics- thanks, Kara- and, being very Protestant, I was a little worried about that. However, since my own Spiritual awakening, I have found tremendous, profound faith in both my Lutheran and Catholic sisters- the same Spirit!- so off I go...
My take on the Lutheran church (so far): beautiful service, beautiful in its tradition and history. Not oppressive, but definitely a far cry from my holy-rolling, contemporary Charismatic service. The creeds are Biblically sound, the doctrine as well, and to watch Steve at church- to watch the reverence and peace that floods him- is amazing. I will not be unequally yoked ever again, and I spiritual unity is at the top of my priority list.
So. How does one become a Lutheran? Three years of catechism is out of the question!
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Blogs
I love to read random blogs. Peeking into peoples' lives from around the globe fascinates me: A baby's first steps in Spain. High Schoolers showing off their boyfriends' pix in Malaysia. Sad song lyrics from Argentina. The locations may be different, but the love and emotion are the same. Universal. Human.
HOWEVER... flipping through random blogs on Blogger can also provide you with some unwelcome surprises, especially when your kids are in the room: Adult Friend Finder!!! I swear these ads are on 1/3 of the blogs I randomly find, and they are pissing me off. I am no prude: there is a time and place for porn (swingers? No thank you...) But that time and place is NOT when I am not expecting it.
Blogger, clean up you act, or at least give me a warning!
HOWEVER... flipping through random blogs on Blogger can also provide you with some unwelcome surprises, especially when your kids are in the room: Adult Friend Finder!!! I swear these ads are on 1/3 of the blogs I randomly find, and they are pissing me off. I am no prude: there is a time and place for porn (swingers? No thank you...) But that time and place is NOT when I am not expecting it.
Blogger, clean up you act, or at least give me a warning!
Please knock. PLEASE!
Okay. Since the kids stayed with their dad last night and I knew Steve and I would have to leave early for the Illini game this morning, we decided he'd sleep over at my house instead of vice-versa. All well and good. I went to bed before eleven, he got in about 12:30, and we had a Magical Night of Passion. (Notice the caps.)
Being accustomed as I am to waking early, my eyes popped open at about 7:30. Since I was still warm and sleepy and half-drugged from the multiple O's of the night before, I decided an early-morning quickie would be a perfect way to start the day (and Steve heartily agreed.) So, as we are getting down to business- LOUD business- he suddenly stops and whispers, "I hear foot steps!"
Talk about an abrupt jolt back to reality! Just as I whipped my nightgown over my head, I hear the unmistakable sound of JJ and JE chatting in the dining room. I poked my head out the half-open bedroom door (as Steve dived under the covers!) and asked them if they needed any help.
"Nope, we just got JE's soccer shorts" JJ replied and he and his little brother headed out the back door. I kissed them both, waved to JA and baby G (and their surly dad,) and breathed a sigh of relief as they backed out the drive.
Now: here are the obvious questions. How long had they been in the house before we heard them? Did they hear the bed banging against the wall or me moaning, "Fuck me!"??? Did they see anything? Did they even realize Steve was with me? Steve doesn't stay over when the kids are home- it's just not kosher with me- so this potential new discovery does not set well with me, and I certainly don't need them going to their dad with said info (not that he doesn't already know...) Did they look in the garage window and see Steve's car?
Oh well, what's done is done.
I think I need a chain lock.
Being accustomed as I am to waking early, my eyes popped open at about 7:30. Since I was still warm and sleepy and half-drugged from the multiple O's of the night before, I decided an early-morning quickie would be a perfect way to start the day (and Steve heartily agreed.) So, as we are getting down to business- LOUD business- he suddenly stops and whispers, "I hear foot steps!"
Talk about an abrupt jolt back to reality! Just as I whipped my nightgown over my head, I hear the unmistakable sound of JJ and JE chatting in the dining room. I poked my head out the half-open bedroom door (as Steve dived under the covers!) and asked them if they needed any help.
"Nope, we just got JE's soccer shorts" JJ replied and he and his little brother headed out the back door. I kissed them both, waved to JA and baby G (and their surly dad,) and breathed a sigh of relief as they backed out the drive.
Now: here are the obvious questions. How long had they been in the house before we heard them? Did they hear the bed banging against the wall or me moaning, "Fuck me!"??? Did they see anything? Did they even realize Steve was with me? Steve doesn't stay over when the kids are home- it's just not kosher with me- so this potential new discovery does not set well with me, and I certainly don't need them going to their dad with said info (not that he doesn't already know...) Did they look in the garage window and see Steve's car?
Oh well, what's done is done.
I think I need a chain lock.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Appalled
I have been totally appalled twice today. Allow me to share:
1.) I was taking my 3:00 break at work, answering my email and minding my own business when I heard a commotion coming from the front counter. It seems an 'older' gentleman (probably slightly older than my dad) who was 95% deaf and 100% delusional was giving my co-worker Amanda the very devil. Yelling in broken, hearing-impaired English, he asked a million questions, one on top of the other (and there is nothing wrong with questions, but puhlease...) then contradicted her every answer with accusations about our boss, Don ("He is nothing but a lying, thieving Democrat!") about our government, ("They are taxing me to death because they want me to lose my property!") his township assessor, ("That beautiful woman with an evil black heart!) and about the possible repercussions of not lowering his tax bill per his instructions, (My lawyer is Jesus, and I'll tell you right now, you lose!") He was beligerent and agitated, but Amanda kept her cool, answered his every question with honest, straight-forward answers (and even wrote them down for him so he would fully understand!) but he would not be appeased. He began shouting that he hated his life, he wished he could just die, and that he was going to the City Building to start impeachment procedings against Don.
Cheese-and-crackers! I was kinda waiting for someone to press the panic button, but it never happened, even when he started flailing his arms around and actually came in contact with Amanda's person. Later, she said he really didn't bother her- there was a mistake on one of his exemptions and she had corrected it, but with his new assessment, it didn't lower the bill much. I don't know; he sure scared me.
2.) I came home and had the usual mad dash from the time I got in the door- laundry! Dishes! Cleaning! Cooking! And just as I was clearing away the dinner dishes, Baby G spotted our little friend Kameron outside, walking her bike. "Look, it's Kameron!" she yelled. "And she's crying!"
Thinking the little girl was possibly hurt, I asked the boys to go out and invite her in- they dashed outside, then JE came bounding back in, saying, "Some boy tried to kiss Kameron and she's crying!"
Well, we all know little boys sometimes try to steal kisses, but when she got through my back door, I could tell this was no mere case of a some classmate trying to cop a smooch. She was shaking and sobbing- not normal. Long story short: she had been over at one of her classmate's houses (another little second grade boy,) when two older boys (11-12) tried to get her to kiss them. She said no and tried to leave and they knocked her off her bike and held her down, humping against her and trying to force their tongues in her mouth. Another girl (10-11) who was there held her nose and attempted to force her mouth open. I don't know how she managed to get away, but I told her she wasn't going anywhere alone for the rest of the night- I insisted she stay at our house and I tried to contact her parents. The older brother answered, I relayed the story, and soon I received a call from the grandma and then the mom, as well. I then drove Kameron home and told the mom exactly what Troy had told me: call for an O'wood cop, file a report, and start a case. Period.
She said she would, so we left. Oh- did I mention the father of one of the 11 year olds is the town's biggest drug dealer??? And that, at the Home Coming Parade, his coked-out whore of a wife threatened JA because he picked up a Starburst from in front of her kid?? Lovely. I guess the dad is one of those wirey ass-holes who beats his wife and considers himself a Big Man. Well, bring it, Bastard. I'll sick my ex-husband and my boyfriend all over your wienie ass if you so much as look cross-eyed at my kid.
White trash.
1.) I was taking my 3:00 break at work, answering my email and minding my own business when I heard a commotion coming from the front counter. It seems an 'older' gentleman (probably slightly older than my dad) who was 95% deaf and 100% delusional was giving my co-worker Amanda the very devil. Yelling in broken, hearing-impaired English, he asked a million questions, one on top of the other (and there is nothing wrong with questions, but puhlease...) then contradicted her every answer with accusations about our boss, Don ("He is nothing but a lying, thieving Democrat!") about our government, ("They are taxing me to death because they want me to lose my property!") his township assessor, ("That beautiful woman with an evil black heart!) and about the possible repercussions of not lowering his tax bill per his instructions, (My lawyer is Jesus, and I'll tell you right now, you lose!") He was beligerent and agitated, but Amanda kept her cool, answered his every question with honest, straight-forward answers (and even wrote them down for him so he would fully understand!) but he would not be appeased. He began shouting that he hated his life, he wished he could just die, and that he was going to the City Building to start impeachment procedings against Don.
Cheese-and-crackers! I was kinda waiting for someone to press the panic button, but it never happened, even when he started flailing his arms around and actually came in contact with Amanda's person. Later, she said he really didn't bother her- there was a mistake on one of his exemptions and she had corrected it, but with his new assessment, it didn't lower the bill much. I don't know; he sure scared me.
2.) I came home and had the usual mad dash from the time I got in the door- laundry! Dishes! Cleaning! Cooking! And just as I was clearing away the dinner dishes, Baby G spotted our little friend Kameron outside, walking her bike. "Look, it's Kameron!" she yelled. "And she's crying!"
Thinking the little girl was possibly hurt, I asked the boys to go out and invite her in- they dashed outside, then JE came bounding back in, saying, "Some boy tried to kiss Kameron and she's crying!"
Well, we all know little boys sometimes try to steal kisses, but when she got through my back door, I could tell this was no mere case of a some classmate trying to cop a smooch. She was shaking and sobbing- not normal. Long story short: she had been over at one of her classmate's houses (another little second grade boy,) when two older boys (11-12) tried to get her to kiss them. She said no and tried to leave and they knocked her off her bike and held her down, humping against her and trying to force their tongues in her mouth. Another girl (10-11) who was there held her nose and attempted to force her mouth open. I don't know how she managed to get away, but I told her she wasn't going anywhere alone for the rest of the night- I insisted she stay at our house and I tried to contact her parents. The older brother answered, I relayed the story, and soon I received a call from the grandma and then the mom, as well. I then drove Kameron home and told the mom exactly what Troy had told me: call for an O'wood cop, file a report, and start a case. Period.
She said she would, so we left. Oh- did I mention the father of one of the 11 year olds is the town's biggest drug dealer??? And that, at the Home Coming Parade, his coked-out whore of a wife threatened JA because he picked up a Starburst from in front of her kid?? Lovely. I guess the dad is one of those wirey ass-holes who beats his wife and considers himself a Big Man. Well, bring it, Bastard. I'll sick my ex-husband and my boyfriend all over your wienie ass if you so much as look cross-eyed at my kid.
White trash.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Home Coming
Yes, folks, it's that time of year again: the weather cools off (then gets frickin' hot again the next week!) the corn gets harvested, leaves start to turn, (well, in a couple weeks, anyway,) and here in the Land of Tall Corn a young man's fancy turns to FOOTBALL and SEMI-FORMAL DANCES! Home Coming! I will note that our beloved Comets beat the Blue Devils at the game Friday- much to everyone's surprise, since our team is, ahem, struggling- but we all know the real high light of Home Coming is making pretty for the dance. And how pretty can you get? JA and his main squeeze Sh'Elizabeth are lookin' SWEET, if I do say so myself.
In heels, Liz is taller than JA, so he tried to stand a little taller while still snuggling against her sequined back. Cute!
Another shot, slightly different angle. 
And Troy, who was chaperone/chauffeur for the evening. The slightly glazed look on his eyes and the half-smile are probably due to his meds, but I'll take what I can get.Monday, September 24, 2007
May I Vent?
Okay, this might take longer than the 31 minutes I have left for lunch, but I am so agitated, I feel i must vent or I will commit, well, bodily harm to someone. let's take a walk on the b*tchy side, shall we?
An open set of comments to LW- and you KNOW who you are:
1.) About my divorce: these legal procedings are between my ex and me and at the end of them, we shall no longer be married. He and I have already drawn boundary lines in our personal lives, and though I still like, love, and respect members of his family and their extended network of friends and acquaintances, I am no longer one of them. This means that, though I may have wanted to, I will not be sending a get well card to his grandma or aunt, I will go out of my way to ignore them at my childrens' social functions (though I will acknowledge them with a polite nod or 'hello,') and I will restrict my conversations with my ex to only those matters which involve our offspring. In the future, we may be able to have a more cordial relationship, but for right now, this is the way if has to be.
THAT BEING SAID, you will treat him and his family in a like manner. Courting them, petting them, INVITING THEM TO YOUR FAMILY'S FUNCTIONS are unacceptable. Asking HIM about the kids' week-end plans, instead of me, is also dirty and sneaky. When you need to know something, ask me- I am your daughter and the mother of your grandchildren. They reside with me.
I am particularly honked about the whole Uncle-Wayne's-Cookout conversation. You tell me, point blank, that I am not to bring Steve, (did Uncle Wayne stipulate this, or is this something you made up in your own warped brain?) yet you invite Troy behind my back? Not that he would come- social settings make him uncomfortable, my family has always made him uncomfortable, and, quite frankly, he has always had to be DRAGGED to cook outs kicking and screaming. But the fact that the invitation was issued is just WRONG, and you know it.
This is MY divorce, not yours. I know, in your twisted state (schitzophrenia and bi-polar condition) you cannot separate this out. (And when it comes to me, you never have been able to- I am either not what you want me to be- not YOU- and therefore unacceptable, or I am too much like you, and therefore either a threat or someone to hate, since you hate yourself.) Thank God I stopped relying on your opinions of me for self-worth when I was a kid, or I would probably have shot myself long ago. ANYWAY- after 10 years of separation and 8 years post-divorce, you should be able to drop it and walk away, carry on, or at least GET A LIFE; if you cannot and you choose to be a slave to your bitterness and resentment, then you need serious psychological help. PLEASE GET IT.
2.) If you find my ex so appealing, ASK HIM OUT. I realise he has lost nearly 60 pounds since May and has been exercising and eating right- I applaud his efforts. He will live long and live well, which can only be good for our children. I have pleaded with him since 2000 to do this, but I guess I wasn't worth it. Now- if some other 'young chick' (your words, not mine) wants him, she is welcome to him. Good luck to her dealing with his phobias, OCD, and general lack of warmth and passion.
On the other side of the coin, quit bitching at me about MY work out schedule. I have been busting my ass since 2001 and I am not about to stop now, unless I become disabled. I keep myself in top shape by choice- I like to fit into my clothes (can't afford new) and it makes me sleep better and keeps me off depression meds (which you so desperately need.) STEP OFF!
3.) No, I am not pregnant with Steve's baby; even if I was, you would be the LAST person I would tell. You have sucked the joy out of every one of the milestones of my adult life. Don't expect me to come bouncing to you with my news. Holding you at arm's length and telling you only that which is pertinent saves my sanity. And the comment you made about having an abortion was about as sick and low as you could have possible gotten- you now I am pro-life, and you know I love and cherish each of my children, even though 3 were complete unplanned surprises. Surprises are what make life so fun and worth living. I am so GOD DAMNED SORRY that my sister and I were unwelcome mistakes for you, but don't expect me to feel that way about my own children. They are my blessings, even if their dad and I will be divorced.
4.) JA is off limits, and the others may be soon, as well. I know you think of JA as the son you always deserved but never got, but he is MINE. He will toe the line in my house, he will keep his grades up, and he will keep a civil tongue in his head or face the consequences. You are so intent on opposing me at every turn that you cannot see how detrimental inconsistent discipline and outright defiance of parental authority are to kids (not just mine.) Butt out, or stay away. This is my house, these are my kids, and I have the last say. Oh- and if you don't quit telling JJ that Mexicans and Chinese are going to take over our country and we should hate them and discriminate against them, he will no longer be allowed to stay at your house. Ditto the Yugio cards and your opinion of church.
Steve would never hurt my kids and I will be DAMNED if you try to undermine his authority in their lives, as well. If we are going to be together in the same house, there will be love and order. JUST SO YOU KNOW_ Steve is not Troy. Don't cross him, because he has no qualms telling you where you can stick it.
An open set of comments to LW- and you KNOW who you are:
1.) About my divorce: these legal procedings are between my ex and me and at the end of them, we shall no longer be married. He and I have already drawn boundary lines in our personal lives, and though I still like, love, and respect members of his family and their extended network of friends and acquaintances, I am no longer one of them. This means that, though I may have wanted to, I will not be sending a get well card to his grandma or aunt, I will go out of my way to ignore them at my childrens' social functions (though I will acknowledge them with a polite nod or 'hello,') and I will restrict my conversations with my ex to only those matters which involve our offspring. In the future, we may be able to have a more cordial relationship, but for right now, this is the way if has to be.
THAT BEING SAID, you will treat him and his family in a like manner. Courting them, petting them, INVITING THEM TO YOUR FAMILY'S FUNCTIONS are unacceptable. Asking HIM about the kids' week-end plans, instead of me, is also dirty and sneaky. When you need to know something, ask me- I am your daughter and the mother of your grandchildren. They reside with me.
I am particularly honked about the whole Uncle-Wayne's-Cookout conversation. You tell me, point blank, that I am not to bring Steve, (did Uncle Wayne stipulate this, or is this something you made up in your own warped brain?) yet you invite Troy behind my back? Not that he would come- social settings make him uncomfortable, my family has always made him uncomfortable, and, quite frankly, he has always had to be DRAGGED to cook outs kicking and screaming. But the fact that the invitation was issued is just WRONG, and you know it.
This is MY divorce, not yours. I know, in your twisted state (schitzophrenia and bi-polar condition) you cannot separate this out. (And when it comes to me, you never have been able to- I am either not what you want me to be- not YOU- and therefore unacceptable, or I am too much like you, and therefore either a threat or someone to hate, since you hate yourself.) Thank God I stopped relying on your opinions of me for self-worth when I was a kid, or I would probably have shot myself long ago. ANYWAY- after 10 years of separation and 8 years post-divorce, you should be able to drop it and walk away, carry on, or at least GET A LIFE; if you cannot and you choose to be a slave to your bitterness and resentment, then you need serious psychological help. PLEASE GET IT.
2.) If you find my ex so appealing, ASK HIM OUT. I realise he has lost nearly 60 pounds since May and has been exercising and eating right- I applaud his efforts. He will live long and live well, which can only be good for our children. I have pleaded with him since 2000 to do this, but I guess I wasn't worth it. Now- if some other 'young chick' (your words, not mine) wants him, she is welcome to him. Good luck to her dealing with his phobias, OCD, and general lack of warmth and passion.
On the other side of the coin, quit bitching at me about MY work out schedule. I have been busting my ass since 2001 and I am not about to stop now, unless I become disabled. I keep myself in top shape by choice- I like to fit into my clothes (can't afford new) and it makes me sleep better and keeps me off depression meds (which you so desperately need.) STEP OFF!
3.) No, I am not pregnant with Steve's baby; even if I was, you would be the LAST person I would tell. You have sucked the joy out of every one of the milestones of my adult life. Don't expect me to come bouncing to you with my news. Holding you at arm's length and telling you only that which is pertinent saves my sanity. And the comment you made about having an abortion was about as sick and low as you could have possible gotten- you now I am pro-life, and you know I love and cherish each of my children, even though 3 were complete unplanned surprises. Surprises are what make life so fun and worth living. I am so GOD DAMNED SORRY that my sister and I were unwelcome mistakes for you, but don't expect me to feel that way about my own children. They are my blessings, even if their dad and I will be divorced.
4.) JA is off limits, and the others may be soon, as well. I know you think of JA as the son you always deserved but never got, but he is MINE. He will toe the line in my house, he will keep his grades up, and he will keep a civil tongue in his head or face the consequences. You are so intent on opposing me at every turn that you cannot see how detrimental inconsistent discipline and outright defiance of parental authority are to kids (not just mine.) Butt out, or stay away. This is my house, these are my kids, and I have the last say. Oh- and if you don't quit telling JJ that Mexicans and Chinese are going to take over our country and we should hate them and discriminate against them, he will no longer be allowed to stay at your house. Ditto the Yugio cards and your opinion of church.
Steve would never hurt my kids and I will be DAMNED if you try to undermine his authority in their lives, as well. If we are going to be together in the same house, there will be love and order. JUST SO YOU KNOW_ Steve is not Troy. Don't cross him, because he has no qualms telling you where you can stick it.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
A Perfect Sunday
It just doesn't get any better than this. My Steve, reading the sports scores* (of course!) with his daughter and my Baby G on each knee. He was loved and adored this week end in copious amounts; Abby was a bit miffed having to share him with G, but they'll work it out.God, I love that man!
*Allow me to explain. Steve loves to watch and play sports. Golf, tennis, (his two favorites,) football, baseball, hockey, basketball... These days, in the 'playing' category, he mostly golfs, swims, and plays racquetball, but he has also been known to enjoy tae kwon do, softball, and all water sports. Having been married to a man for 16 years who HATES to watch sports, I had forgotten how much I love to watch baseball, rugby or lacrosse; it was a running joke for years that I COULD have married a man who was affectionate, loving, and personally engaging, BUT he would probably would be a sports nut, and therefore I was much better off with Frosty the Snowman. I have found that SportsCenter is lots of fun to watch, especially while drinking Margaritas!
We're going to a Wisonsin/Illini football game in a couple weeks, and I cannot wait!
Soccer Saturday
JJ in uniform!
Here we are at yet another Saturday soccer game, watching a passel of sweaty little boys chase a ball up and down a field for an hour. Since every little kid in the county is playing under the D'ville Soccer League banner, the place is a real zoo from about 8 am to about 2 pm every Saturday, cars parked like sardines in the less-than-adequate sized lots. Little kids run around screaming and messing in the dirt while their siblings play. The adults socialize, the moms check each other out taking mental notes on who's married, who's divorced, who's ass is about to bust out of her jeans... (catty!) and the dads watch intently, half-wistful/half- alpha-dad, comparing their kids to the other players and to themselves at that age. It's a real sociology experiment, and behind my sunglasses, I don't believe people watching gets any better than this.
JE (after his game, which he had played earlier,) and Baby G watch Jon kick his way into soccer super-stardom.
And JA and his friend, trying to look studly for the crowd. This hat is beginning to annoy me.
Sh'Elizabeth
Ah, young love. Puppy love. The hand-holding, love-song listening, starry-eyed, this-is-forever kind of love. This is JA's girlfriend, Liz. Not only is she beautoful, but she is alos just about the sweetest, kindest girl you will ever meet. While other teen age girls either present themselves as worldly-wise, in-your-face, aggressive, or down right offensive, Liz is like a breath of fresh air: gentle, innocent (really!) and a perfect Christian lady. The kid knew quality when he saw it! Though I have always said I would not support boyfriend/girlfriend activities in my teen age children, Liz has completely changed my mind.
And here is Liz's darling younger sister, Heidi, with Baby G. Just as sweet and good as Liz, but (alas!) too old for JJ or JE.Sunday, September 9, 2007
Lurve Triangle
This enchanting creature is our friend Cameron. As you may remember, Cameron is JE's age, but comes over to 'play with Baby G'. Here you see Cameron putting the smack down on JJ...
Here she has him pinned to my kitchen floor. As you can tell, JJ was fighting tooth & nail to get away... NOT!
And now JE joins in the fray. This gives a whole new meaning to the term 'menage a trois!'
So Cameron decides to teach JE a lesson in who's boss, as well. Can you tell how much pain she is inflicting? Can you see the agony on his face? Lord have mercy, will no one help the poor lad??A few hours later, JJ and JE came back inside after painting the town red with this little Siren. And guess what? She is now JE's new girlfriend! Adrienne is NOT going to like this development at all!
(I thought Steve was going to bust a gut laughing at these three. He thinks it's hilarious the way they fight and tumble and flirt; JJ and JE beat the holy living crap out of each other, but when a pretty piece of tail comes around, they are putty in her tiny brown hands!) ENJOY!
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Mission: Open House ABORT
Well, Troy and I managed to spend an hour in each other's presence at JJ, JE, and Baby G's Open House and Hell did not freeze over. My camera malfunctioned, so I only got one good pic (JJ and his teacher.) That thing positively eats batteries!
I beleived this outing proved we can be in the same building at the same time within arm's reach of each other- though he was silent and grim most of that hour (so what's new?) The kids were a little stir-crazy having us together again, but we managed. He is NOT happy with me asking about his grandma (who will be having very risky surgery this week,) and his aunt (who was thrown from one of her horses and kicked in the head, resulting in brain swelling,) but hell! We were together 18 years! These people were my family even when my own was absent, negligent, or insane. We may be divorcing, and I am sure they would not piss on me if I was on fire, but I still love them and care what happens to them.
Anyway, it's late, I'm slightly buzzed (love those margarita wine coolers!) and missing my Steve with a passion. It seems the most natural thing in the world that he should be here, falling asleep with me (again, we just FIT. It's crazy.) But I guess I can wait until tomorrow to see him when he comes for dinner.
Remind me later to blog about going to church with him for the first time at a LUTHERAN church..... (because I truly believe you cannot know a person until you know his/her beliefs, and the deepest love two people can share is a shared love of Christ. Unity ROCKS!)
I beleived this outing proved we can be in the same building at the same time within arm's reach of each other- though he was silent and grim most of that hour (so what's new?) The kids were a little stir-crazy having us together again, but we managed. He is NOT happy with me asking about his grandma (who will be having very risky surgery this week,) and his aunt (who was thrown from one of her horses and kicked in the head, resulting in brain swelling,) but hell! We were together 18 years! These people were my family even when my own was absent, negligent, or insane. We may be divorcing, and I am sure they would not piss on me if I was on fire, but I still love them and care what happens to them.
Anyway, it's late, I'm slightly buzzed (love those margarita wine coolers!) and missing my Steve with a passion. It seems the most natural thing in the world that he should be here, falling asleep with me (again, we just FIT. It's crazy.) But I guess I can wait until tomorrow to see him when he comes for dinner.
Remind me later to blog about going to church with him for the first time at a LUTHERAN church..... (because I truly believe you cannot know a person until you know his/her beliefs, and the deepest love two people can share is a shared love of Christ. Unity ROCKS!)
Monday, September 3, 2007
Where To Start?
Lord, it has been a crazy couple of weeks. BUT IT'S ALL GOOD!
The New Job: though I am not at liberty to discuss the particulars, (let's just say I do something very hush-hush for the government.... NOT!) I will tell you that I love my new job. I am beginning as a 'Tech,' since that is part of my job, and being trained as a tech will actually help me step into my other job (same office) as Board of Review Secretary. Confused yet?
I have learned more in the past week than I did in all of my high school years, I guarantee it. I must use investigative skills, clerical skills, communication skills, ( is anyone else thinking Napoleon Dynamite here?) and pure nosiness to get my job done. Perfect for me! And the people I work with are phenomenal- even my boss. Completely professional in front of clients, but total nut balls when the office is empty.
The kids are adjusting nicely to the new schedule. It takes a little more organization and planning on my end, but nothing I can't handle. The worst part of this is the mess I come home to in the evening (ugh! I gave birth to pigs!) and the time I have to sacrifice away from Steve. We're getting through- but suffice it to say he is looking for 1st shift employment.
This week-end was just perfect- Fri/Sat with Steve (and Abby on Saturday night since her grandma is in the hospital,) and Sunday/Monday with the kids and Steve doing family stuff. (JA is coming around and was cordial & funny with him, but still opted to visit my Mom Sun/Mon.) We took in fireworks last night in W'ville, then watched the parade in D'ville this morning, followed by hamburgers on the grill and a house full of kid visitors all afternoon. Steve is so good with them and they have taken to him so well, it's just crazy. It's hard for him to leave- it just seems natural that he should stay. But I have a no-overnight policy while my kids are home and he respects that, period. Until there is a ring on my finger, that is.
More later- must sleep!
The New Job: though I am not at liberty to discuss the particulars, (let's just say I do something very hush-hush for the government.... NOT!) I will tell you that I love my new job. I am beginning as a 'Tech,' since that is part of my job, and being trained as a tech will actually help me step into my other job (same office) as Board of Review Secretary. Confused yet?
I have learned more in the past week than I did in all of my high school years, I guarantee it. I must use investigative skills, clerical skills, communication skills, ( is anyone else thinking Napoleon Dynamite here?) and pure nosiness to get my job done. Perfect for me! And the people I work with are phenomenal- even my boss. Completely professional in front of clients, but total nut balls when the office is empty.
The kids are adjusting nicely to the new schedule. It takes a little more organization and planning on my end, but nothing I can't handle. The worst part of this is the mess I come home to in the evening (ugh! I gave birth to pigs!) and the time I have to sacrifice away from Steve. We're getting through- but suffice it to say he is looking for 1st shift employment.
This week-end was just perfect- Fri/Sat with Steve (and Abby on Saturday night since her grandma is in the hospital,) and Sunday/Monday with the kids and Steve doing family stuff. (JA is coming around and was cordial & funny with him, but still opted to visit my Mom Sun/Mon.) We took in fireworks last night in W'ville, then watched the parade in D'ville this morning, followed by hamburgers on the grill and a house full of kid visitors all afternoon. Steve is so good with them and they have taken to him so well, it's just crazy. It's hard for him to leave- it just seems natural that he should stay. But I have a no-overnight policy while my kids are home and he respects that, period. Until there is a ring on my finger, that is.
More later- must sleep!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Soccer Studs Pt 2
JJ at his first game Saturday. Hot, sweaty, and manly. They fought the good fight, but eventually ended up losing. There is a long story about Troy and me trying to remain cordial, but ending up at opposite end sof the field (not my fault!) but I will save that for another post.
More playing...
...and more playing...
...and Baby G!!!
And the Terrible Trio getting ready to walk to school, looking particularly cute. Enjoy!Best Friends
Baby G and some friends in her room. These friends are all actually JE's age and, come to think of it, like to chase JE around. From left to right, they are Adrienne, Cameron, Baby G, and Michelle. The day this was taken JE received his very first kiss from Adrienne (who is as serious as Justin is smiley! Opposites attract!) Ah, puppy love! Today, she bit him. WTF?
And here is JJ and his best bud, Kyle, with JE behind them. These two are quite the pair, completely obnoxious (as you can probably tell.) Yes, Jon got his glasses back today, and I will skin him alive if I see them off his face while he is awake.
More craziness. Lord, deliver me!Thursday, August 23, 2007
Il Fait Chaud!
Yes, folks, it's FARKING HOT! I hate summer- heat and I just don't 'hang'. I know it's good for corn, soybeans, and tomatoes- the first two being our cash crops around here- but it's not good for living, breathing, working, or doing hair. And not having air in the front of my van is making traveling anywhere unbearable. I got seriously pukey on my way home today, even though I'd drunk tons of water. Come one, Dad- it's a $20 part! I NEED MY AIR!
If Steve wants to move back to South Dakota, I would be gone in a heart beat.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Soccer Studs and the First day of Sophomore Year
High School resumed today, and here is JA getting ready to go to the bus stop. Looks enthusiastic, doesn't he? After he got to school, he found out that his driver's ed has been pushed back to January (yay!) and that his entire schedule for the year must now be re-arranged to accommodate all his required classes as well as those classes he must make up after goofing off last year. He swears he will make nothing below a 'B' this year; I'll hold him to it!
Pele... David Beckham... Christiano Ronaldo... JE??? Here is JE (with his dad behind him) looking hot, sweaty, and manly after soccer practice. Troy is coaching (and knows nothing about soccer- brave man) and he has JA as his assistant. God have mercy on their team.
JJ's team, on the other hand, practiced for a full hour and a half, and I do mean FULL. Notice the sleeves rolled up- just like big brother JA. I guess that signifies he means business.
Go, JJ! Runs like a cheetah...
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