May I Vent?

Okay, this might take longer than the 31 minutes I have left for lunch, but I am so agitated, I feel i must vent or I will commit, well, bodily harm to someone. let's take a walk on the b*tchy side, shall we?

An open set of comments to LW- and you KNOW who you are:

1.) About my divorce: these legal procedings are between my ex and me and at the end of them, we shall no longer be married. He and I have already drawn boundary lines in our personal lives, and though I still like, love, and respect members of his family and their extended network of friends and acquaintances, I am no longer one of them. This means that, though I may have wanted to, I will not be sending a get well card to his grandma or aunt, I will go out of my way to ignore them at my childrens' social functions (though I will acknowledge them with a polite nod or 'hello,') and I will restrict my conversations with my ex to only those matters which involve our offspring. In the future, we may be able to have a more cordial relationship, but for right now, this is the way if has to be.

THAT BEING SAID, you will treat him and his family in a like manner. Courting them, petting them, INVITING THEM TO YOUR FAMILY'S FUNCTIONS are unacceptable. Asking HIM about the kids' week-end plans, instead of me, is also dirty and sneaky. When you need to know something, ask me- I am your daughter and the mother of your grandchildren. They reside with me.

I am particularly honked about the whole Uncle-Wayne's-Cookout conversation. You tell me, point blank, that I am not to bring Steve, (did Uncle Wayne stipulate this, or is this something you made up in your own warped brain?) yet you invite Troy behind my back? Not that he would come- social settings make him uncomfortable, my family has always made him uncomfortable, and, quite frankly, he has always had to be DRAGGED to cook outs kicking and screaming. But the fact that the invitation was issued is just WRONG, and you know it.

This is MY divorce, not yours. I know, in your twisted state (schitzophrenia and bi-polar condition) you cannot separate this out. (And when it comes to me, you never have been able to- I am either not what you want me to be- not YOU- and therefore unacceptable, or I am too much like you, and therefore either a threat or someone to hate, since you hate yourself.) Thank God I stopped relying on your opinions of me for self-worth when I was a kid, or I would probably have shot myself long ago. ANYWAY- after 10 years of separation and 8 years post-divorce, you should be able to drop it and walk away, carry on, or at least GET A LIFE; if you cannot and you choose to be a slave to your bitterness and resentment, then you need serious psychological help. PLEASE GET IT.

2.) If you find my ex so appealing, ASK HIM OUT. I realise he has lost nearly 60 pounds since May and has been exercising and eating right- I applaud his efforts. He will live long and live well, which can only be good for our children. I have pleaded with him since 2000 to do this, but I guess I wasn't worth it. Now- if some other 'young chick' (your words, not mine) wants him, she is welcome to him. Good luck to her dealing with his phobias, OCD, and general lack of warmth and passion.

On the other side of the coin, quit bitching at me about MY work out schedule. I have been busting my ass since 2001 and I am not about to stop now, unless I become disabled. I keep myself in top shape by choice- I like to fit into my clothes (can't afford new) and it makes me sleep better and keeps me off depression meds (which you so desperately need.) STEP OFF!

3.) No, I am not pregnant with Steve's baby; even if I was, you would be the LAST person I would tell. You have sucked the joy out of every one of the milestones of my adult life. Don't expect me to come bouncing to you with my news. Holding you at arm's length and telling you only that which is pertinent saves my sanity. And the comment you made about having an abortion was about as sick and low as you could have possible gotten- you now I am pro-life, and you know I love and cherish each of my children, even though 3 were complete unplanned surprises. Surprises are what make life so fun and worth living. I am so GOD DAMNED SORRY that my sister and I were unwelcome mistakes for you, but don't expect me to feel that way about my own children. They are my blessings, even if their dad and I will be divorced.

4.) JA is off limits, and the others may be soon, as well. I know you think of JA as the son you always deserved but never got, but he is MINE. He will toe the line in my house, he will keep his grades up, and he will keep a civil tongue in his head or face the consequences. You are so intent on opposing me at every turn that you cannot see how detrimental inconsistent discipline and outright defiance of parental authority are to kids (not just mine.) Butt out, or stay away. This is my house, these are my kids, and I have the last say. Oh- and if you don't quit telling JJ that Mexicans and Chinese are going to take over our country and we should hate them and discriminate against them, he will no longer be allowed to stay at your house. Ditto the Yugio cards and your opinion of church.

Steve would never hurt my kids and I will be DAMNED if you try to undermine his authority in their lives, as well. If we are going to be together in the same house, there will be love and order. JUST SO YOU KNOW_ Steve is not Troy. Don't cross him, because he has no qualms telling you where you can stick it.