Life is just moving along at break-neck speed. I must first apologise to Kara for the delay in pix- I have installed the software to download my photos, but it just doesn't seem to want to complete the process. Stupid electronics! CURSE YOU, YOU TRANSISTORIZED TORMENTOR! I assure you the pictures are well worth the wait, but apologise for the wait, nonetheless.
Moving on...
Court is not until May-the-fricking 23rd, the day I wanted to have my moving/garage sale. Fark! A far cry from the ten days my lawyer promised. Oh, well, what does he know? The only sticking point seems to be the retirement, so we'll let the judge sort it out. Other than that, I plan to be gone by June 1st, and not a minute too soon. This past week-end, Steve and I moved enough furniture into the duplex to keep him comfy til I get there along with anything non-essential I could pack, and made a day of it. One house down there are three boys about the same ages as JA, JJ, and JE (they were playing basketball in the rain- go figure!) and across the street are some little girls about Baby G's age. Perfect.
And the icing on my Happy-Cake? Steve's head-hunter, Mr. P, called him last week and told him his new employer is THRILLED to have him with the company and would like to know if he could recommend someone for another position coming open??? Steve immediately thought of my friend Lori's hubby, Mike (since Lori grew up in S--field and has made no secret of the fact that she would love to move back.) A few phone calls later (to ascertain Mike's education level and experience) and Mr. P was begging the guy for a resume and references. Here's hoping! This would make my move complete!!! (And Lori is a great networker; she is social and fun, and the two of us could be dangerously happy living in the same town. And our kids are great friends!)
And, to top off my Happy-Cake: gov't rebate money should start being deposited today by ss#; Troy's ss# will be one of the first to get the $. Can you say CHA-CHING? (I feel a shopping spree coming on- household items, of course... and mama needs a new pair of shoes!)
Later...
Monday, April 28, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Counting the Days
Meeting with the attorney today. Maybe we can get this show on the road now. I would at least like to have my grounds hearing before leaving town!
This week end we will probably be moving some stuff over the duplex, including a bed for Steve (JA's,) and at least a chair and a TV. the kids are pretty excited to visit their new home, and I guess we'll just make a day of it. And hopefully get some pix to post.
This week end we will probably be moving some stuff over the duplex, including a bed for Steve (JA's,) and at least a chair and a TV. the kids are pretty excited to visit their new home, and I guess we'll just make a day of it. And hopefully get some pix to post.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Falling Out
Drama! Can I not have a week where I don't feel the rug has been pulled out from under my feet?!
Let's begin with last week-end, shall we?
It was my week-end to have the kids, and Steve arrived Friday night with Abigail in tow, ready for a couple days of fun and frolic (ha!) I fed the kids and then left the younger three in Steve's capable hands while JA, Troy and I had had a pow-wow. Over all, it was successful, but my stomach was really griping me. I thought it was nerves.
I was wrong.
About 11:30 pm, I began what turned out to be nearly 24 hours of pure hell, beginning with projectile vomiting and progressing to the worst migraine of my life, complete with excruciating neck, back, sciatic, and leg pain.
Steve was a trooper- he got the kids up and ready the next morning (after having taken care of me all night,) got them loaded into my mom's car for an outing with her, cleaned up the house, and tried to contact Abby's mom to get her out of the sick-house and back home (which didn't happen until some time later.)
In the meantime, I called Troy and asked him to take the kids for the remainder of the week-end, and he agreed; Mom would get the kids' stuff and take them over to his house soon as they got back from their outing. Steve put together their basket of clothes as best he could, and we waited. Long story short: Mom arrived with JJ, and when JJ walked into the house, he copped a giant attitude and said to Steve: "Why is Abby still here? What are you- stupid?"
Now understand, the week-end before this, JJ had called Steve a MF'er on the phone and told him to suck his balls (Thank you, JA and South Park!) He thought he was being funny, but Steve wasn't laughing; he let JJ know that he was never to call him that again or (and I quote) "...your ass is mine!"
So the 'stupid' comment hit Steve the wrong way. He grabbed JJ by the shoulder and flipped him around to face him, telling him, "Don't you ever call me stupid again, young man!" and stared him down. Steve let JJ know he meant business, and I heartily agree with his method; Steve is a patient man, and JJ seriously needed an attitude adjustment. Bravo- we are all going to be under the same roof soon, and if Steve does not command respect now, then our home life could be hell.
However (and there is always a 'however' in my life, isn't there?) my mother had a CONNIPTION over this. More on that later...
Ultimately, because of my condition, I ended up taking a ride in an ambulance to the hospital where they poked me with needles, hooked me up to an IV, and (much later) gave me some lovely drugs. After getting me into the ambulance, Steve called Mom to let her know what was happening, then headed over to S- L- and had to hunt down Abby's mother. Mom ended up getting to the hospital ahead of Steve, and from the time she got there until Steve arrived, she took the opportunity to rip me up one side and down the other about Steve.
Mind you, during her tirade, I was curled up in the fetal position on a cot in triage, dry-heaving and praying to God to let me pass out from the pain in my head and back. Even just lying there was murder- there was no position without pain, and I couldn't keep down any medication whatsoever. So she blasted me again and again, telling me what a nasty bastard Steve is, how he treats me like sh*t, how he treats my children like sh*t, etc, etc. The woman has been around him four times, during which Steve has been nothing but good to us (as always), and she comes up with this garbage.
I know, I know- she isn't 'right'; she has issues and needs help, but refuses to get it. She is schitzophrenic, and this is just part of her disease. She has no internal stops, no discernment, and on top of that, she is bitter and hateful. I know. But there is no excuse for her behavior.
But I digress.
After Steve arrived, she stifled her attack on him, but proceeded to verbally damn everyone and everything else in her life, especially my dad and my step-mom. Steve's eyes were huge with disbelief as she growled how she can't wait to see them both dead, that they would do the world a favor if they both would just die, since they don't deserve to live. It would take a month to repeat all the poison she was spouting- and with me lying there in agony, trying not to puke or even move! I gave deflecting answers and comments in response when I could- keeping calm, remembering who is the sane one between us. But to no avail. Unable to rile me, her attacks became personal- how she wished she had left my dad in 1969, then she wouldn't have ever had any G-D kids, she would have married for money and had a great life, and on and on and on... then she started on JA coming to live with me instead of staying in O'town.
Basically, she believes Troy copped out (and he probably did.) If she could, she spat, she would move to O-town herself and let JA live with her. (Fat chance!) I told her this was a parental decision, and that JA's own actions had led to this decision- namely him flunking out of school and fornicating on my bed! That really set her off- "Well, what were you doing at 16?" she asked; "Funny how what goes around comes around!"
"At 16?" I asked. "I was celibate that year," I said quietly.
"Oh, I forgot- that was the year before," she replied. "Oops! Maybe I shouldn't have said that," she added mockingly.
"There isn't anything Steve doesn't know about me," I shot back, "so you won't shock him. And this my kid, no me; I care too much about him to stand back and let him screw up his life like I could have. He's too smart for that, and I don't want him to waste his brains."
She wasn't finished. "Yeah, the one who had all the ability, all the brains, the one to whom everything came so easily, and you blew it!" she said. "And your sister, who had to work so hard for it, is the one with the Master's Degree!"
By this time, the meds they had given me were kicking in, and my pain was subsiding. And I was getting pissed. "And now she is $60,000 in debt to student loans and she's married to Creighton!" I shot back. Touche. Silently I added: $60,000 my 'worthless' dad cosigned for and is now ruining his credit. And she's a closeted lesbian, on top of being a condescending, mercenary, social-climbing snob. Teaching in a school she hates and unable to quit because their lifestyle demands it.
She left shortly thereafter. Steve took care of me the rest of the night and into the next day until he had to leave for home, then she called me that night and started in on me again. Digging up dirt from my past and flinging it at me, questioning my perceptions and sanity, pegging me for every 'wrong-doing' she could remember. I had had enough- I finally told her she needed help and hung up on her.
I haven't heard from her since, and I don't expect to.
JJ knows a little of it, but not much- my mother has always considered JJ her kid, and has used him on many occasions to try to get back at my dad, and at me, for not choosing sides between my parents. She has told him things about her life, about my dad, and about other stuff no kid should ever have to know (going specifically against my wishes- a kid does not need to know the gory details about his grandparents' or parents' divorce; it only hurts the kid, but she is too wacko to understand this.) I have made parental decisions- the best decisions I know how to make, keeping my kids' interests and well-being paramount- but she does not feel the need to respect these decisions. In fact, it is her delight to cause as much trouble and discord as she can!
I'm done. And if the rest of my family cannot understand this, it is their problem, not mine.
Enough!
Let's begin with last week-end, shall we?
It was my week-end to have the kids, and Steve arrived Friday night with Abigail in tow, ready for a couple days of fun and frolic (ha!) I fed the kids and then left the younger three in Steve's capable hands while JA, Troy and I had had a pow-wow. Over all, it was successful, but my stomach was really griping me. I thought it was nerves.
I was wrong.
About 11:30 pm, I began what turned out to be nearly 24 hours of pure hell, beginning with projectile vomiting and progressing to the worst migraine of my life, complete with excruciating neck, back, sciatic, and leg pain.
Steve was a trooper- he got the kids up and ready the next morning (after having taken care of me all night,) got them loaded into my mom's car for an outing with her, cleaned up the house, and tried to contact Abby's mom to get her out of the sick-house and back home (which didn't happen until some time later.)
In the meantime, I called Troy and asked him to take the kids for the remainder of the week-end, and he agreed; Mom would get the kids' stuff and take them over to his house soon as they got back from their outing. Steve put together their basket of clothes as best he could, and we waited. Long story short: Mom arrived with JJ, and when JJ walked into the house, he copped a giant attitude and said to Steve: "Why is Abby still here? What are you- stupid?"
Now understand, the week-end before this, JJ had called Steve a MF'er on the phone and told him to suck his balls (Thank you, JA and South Park!) He thought he was being funny, but Steve wasn't laughing; he let JJ know that he was never to call him that again or (and I quote) "...your ass is mine!"
So the 'stupid' comment hit Steve the wrong way. He grabbed JJ by the shoulder and flipped him around to face him, telling him, "Don't you ever call me stupid again, young man!" and stared him down. Steve let JJ know he meant business, and I heartily agree with his method; Steve is a patient man, and JJ seriously needed an attitude adjustment. Bravo- we are all going to be under the same roof soon, and if Steve does not command respect now, then our home life could be hell.
However (and there is always a 'however' in my life, isn't there?) my mother had a CONNIPTION over this. More on that later...
Ultimately, because of my condition, I ended up taking a ride in an ambulance to the hospital where they poked me with needles, hooked me up to an IV, and (much later) gave me some lovely drugs. After getting me into the ambulance, Steve called Mom to let her know what was happening, then headed over to S- L- and had to hunt down Abby's mother. Mom ended up getting to the hospital ahead of Steve, and from the time she got there until Steve arrived, she took the opportunity to rip me up one side and down the other about Steve.
Mind you, during her tirade, I was curled up in the fetal position on a cot in triage, dry-heaving and praying to God to let me pass out from the pain in my head and back. Even just lying there was murder- there was no position without pain, and I couldn't keep down any medication whatsoever. So she blasted me again and again, telling me what a nasty bastard Steve is, how he treats me like sh*t, how he treats my children like sh*t, etc, etc. The woman has been around him four times, during which Steve has been nothing but good to us (as always), and she comes up with this garbage.
I know, I know- she isn't 'right'; she has issues and needs help, but refuses to get it. She is schitzophrenic, and this is just part of her disease. She has no internal stops, no discernment, and on top of that, she is bitter and hateful. I know. But there is no excuse for her behavior.
But I digress.
After Steve arrived, she stifled her attack on him, but proceeded to verbally damn everyone and everything else in her life, especially my dad and my step-mom. Steve's eyes were huge with disbelief as she growled how she can't wait to see them both dead, that they would do the world a favor if they both would just die, since they don't deserve to live. It would take a month to repeat all the poison she was spouting- and with me lying there in agony, trying not to puke or even move! I gave deflecting answers and comments in response when I could- keeping calm, remembering who is the sane one between us. But to no avail. Unable to rile me, her attacks became personal- how she wished she had left my dad in 1969, then she wouldn't have ever had any G-D kids, she would have married for money and had a great life, and on and on and on... then she started on JA coming to live with me instead of staying in O'town.
Basically, she believes Troy copped out (and he probably did.) If she could, she spat, she would move to O-town herself and let JA live with her. (Fat chance!) I told her this was a parental decision, and that JA's own actions had led to this decision- namely him flunking out of school and fornicating on my bed! That really set her off- "Well, what were you doing at 16?" she asked; "Funny how what goes around comes around!"
"At 16?" I asked. "I was celibate that year," I said quietly.
"Oh, I forgot- that was the year before," she replied. "Oops! Maybe I shouldn't have said that," she added mockingly.
"There isn't anything Steve doesn't know about me," I shot back, "so you won't shock him. And this my kid, no me; I care too much about him to stand back and let him screw up his life like I could have. He's too smart for that, and I don't want him to waste his brains."
She wasn't finished. "Yeah, the one who had all the ability, all the brains, the one to whom everything came so easily, and you blew it!" she said. "And your sister, who had to work so hard for it, is the one with the Master's Degree!"
By this time, the meds they had given me were kicking in, and my pain was subsiding. And I was getting pissed. "And now she is $60,000 in debt to student loans and she's married to Creighton!" I shot back. Touche. Silently I added: $60,000 my 'worthless' dad cosigned for and is now ruining his credit. And she's a closeted lesbian, on top of being a condescending, mercenary, social-climbing snob. Teaching in a school she hates and unable to quit because their lifestyle demands it.
She left shortly thereafter. Steve took care of me the rest of the night and into the next day until he had to leave for home, then she called me that night and started in on me again. Digging up dirt from my past and flinging it at me, questioning my perceptions and sanity, pegging me for every 'wrong-doing' she could remember. I had had enough- I finally told her she needed help and hung up on her.
I haven't heard from her since, and I don't expect to.
JJ knows a little of it, but not much- my mother has always considered JJ her kid, and has used him on many occasions to try to get back at my dad, and at me, for not choosing sides between my parents. She has told him things about her life, about my dad, and about other stuff no kid should ever have to know (going specifically against my wishes- a kid does not need to know the gory details about his grandparents' or parents' divorce; it only hurts the kid, but she is too wacko to understand this.) I have made parental decisions- the best decisions I know how to make, keeping my kids' interests and well-being paramount- but she does not feel the need to respect these decisions. In fact, it is her delight to cause as much trouble and discord as she can!
I'm done. And if the rest of my family cannot understand this, it is their problem, not mine.
Enough!
Did I STUTTER?
What part of 'No' does JA not understand? Since bringing home his atrocious grades in January, he has been on a very short leash. He is not allowed to go anywhere with the girlfriend and/or her family (not even to their church!) and he has had limited freedom in every other area. And Troy and I decided no Prom, either; when one screws up on such a monumental scale, the punishment should fit the crime, and this was a big time screw up in my book!
However, I think the kid's selective hearing must be in high gear, because the no-Prom thing just hasn't seemed to hit home yet. Last week he comes to me saying Katie's family has offered to pay for his part of Prom night, including buying the ticket, renting his tux, dinner- the whole nine yards. As if money was the issue! No beans- no Prom, JA! Then a few days ago, he shoved a permission slip for post-prom at me to sign, and I had to repeat myself: Prom was out of the picture.
Am I missing something here?
Then he goes to his dad, contrite and humble, telling him that is just isn't fair to Katie that he messes up what could be her only Prom (since she is graduating early.) And since JA is moving away in June, this could be his send-off, his last hurrah...
Troy refused to comment until he talked to me (wise, but WTF? Can he not say 'No' just as well as I can? The story of our lives- let Mom be the bad guy!) When Troy called me later, I repeated my stance: No Prom. Period. He agreed, but I do not appreciate him making me the heavy in this deal. If we are both equal parents, supposedly on the same page, why can he not get with the program???
For the record, I am not a heartless bitch. Does it pain me that he has to miss out? Yes. Do I feel bad about ruining Katie's evening? Yes. I want JA to enjoy himself in every way a (law-abiding) high school student should. I want him to have great opportunities and experiences and memories of his teen-age years instead of looking back with shame and regret. But if I back down now, next year will be a joke. I want him to know I mean business and that his decisions and actions during the next two years will shape his entire future. If he shows improvement, motivation, and industry, there would be no limit to the freedoms and opportunities I would allow him! But if he continues to screw up, I will work him like a Hebrew slave!
However, I think the kid's selective hearing must be in high gear, because the no-Prom thing just hasn't seemed to hit home yet. Last week he comes to me saying Katie's family has offered to pay for his part of Prom night, including buying the ticket, renting his tux, dinner- the whole nine yards. As if money was the issue! No beans- no Prom, JA! Then a few days ago, he shoved a permission slip for post-prom at me to sign, and I had to repeat myself: Prom was out of the picture.
Am I missing something here?
Then he goes to his dad, contrite and humble, telling him that is just isn't fair to Katie that he messes up what could be her only Prom (since she is graduating early.) And since JA is moving away in June, this could be his send-off, his last hurrah...
Troy refused to comment until he talked to me (wise, but WTF? Can he not say 'No' just as well as I can? The story of our lives- let Mom be the bad guy!) When Troy called me later, I repeated my stance: No Prom. Period. He agreed, but I do not appreciate him making me the heavy in this deal. If we are both equal parents, supposedly on the same page, why can he not get with the program???
For the record, I am not a heartless bitch. Does it pain me that he has to miss out? Yes. Do I feel bad about ruining Katie's evening? Yes. I want JA to enjoy himself in every way a (law-abiding) high school student should. I want him to have great opportunities and experiences and memories of his teen-age years instead of looking back with shame and regret. But if I back down now, next year will be a joke. I want him to know I mean business and that his decisions and actions during the next two years will shape his entire future. If he shows improvement, motivation, and industry, there would be no limit to the freedoms and opportunities I would allow him! But if he continues to screw up, I will work him like a Hebrew slave!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
JA: A Tale of Immaturity, Teen-age Angst, and Fornication
So. In the midst of the drama that is my life, I must pause for a moment and post a re-cap on the JA situation. Suffice it to say, there are VOLUMES waiting to be written concerning my first born, but I shall try to keep it brief: just the facts, ma'am.
I'll preface this post by stating the positive: JA is one of the smartest, most amiable, most personable people you will ever meet. There is nothing he can't learn, nothing he can't do- especially academically. And on top of that, he's purdy! I remember when he walked into First Baptist School his fifth grade year and immediately became the Pied Piper (all those staid, straight-laced, repressed church kids must've been overwhelmed by his charm and charisma.) That old maid bitch of a teacher he had didn't take it very well, but it was my opinion she could go f*ck herself (oops! I guess that wasn't a very First Baptist sort of thing to say!)
Anyway, that being said, we all know brains and charm and charisma are wonderful qualities to possess- but they won't do a person a damned bit of good without drive, ambition, and good old fashioned hard work to undergird them. Unfortunately, Josh has gotten the notion that effort & industry are optional... until lately.
When it comes to school work- the most important facet of a kid's life, if he or she does not want to end up working in fast food and living in Mama'a basement- keeping his nose to the grindstone has been an ongoing struggle with JA, especially for the past three years. Like most kids, he ranks his social needs above his academic needs, and has received grades accordingly. This appalled me- MY kid, the one with all the brains, FAILING CLASSES?? I threatened, I bribed, I tried reason- nothing worked. Finally, in 2006, during the time when Troy and I were at our lowest ebb of communication (Oct/Nov) I cornered the kid with his progress report and told him if he brought home anything lower than a C on his report card in January, it would result in a mega-grounding: no phone, no tv, no internet, no friends, no extra-curriculars, no girlfriend, no overnights to grandma's- nothing.
Low and behold, two months later, his report card was a disaster! I shook my head at him and told him he knew the consequences and to go to his room.... only to have his father contradict me when he got home. HE would handle this- HE would check all JA's homework, check his agenda book, do the follow ups... which lasted about two weeks. JA ended up failing a couple classes, then later blamed it on our separation (that's a whole other story...)
Well, this year has been no better, and people (family, friends, my co-workers, EVERYONE,) is getting tired of his 'Poor JA- he has suffered so much! Pity him!' schtick. But he is still playing it to the hilt, and in the meantime, he still thinks he can continue to enjoy himself without putting any effort toward his school work.
Now for the clincher: he is failing three classes yet again, and he probably will not graduate in 2010. Troy and I have talked to him both together and seperatetly, Steve has talked to him, my dad has talked to him- but with no results. So Troy, being so noble and concerned (and wanting to move back in with his grandparents so he can save his money,) has graciously allowed Josh to continue living with me, rather than taking care of him here in O'town, where he was told he could graduate (since, as Troy put it, the only reason JA has given him for staying in O'town is his social life, not his academics.)
Adding to these problems, there is the new girlfriend, who is a year ahead of JA, who will be graduating midterm next year and entering college, and who has been fornicating ON MY BED with him in recent months (and thought she was pregnant not too long ago! Egads! Sex- and unprotected sex at that! Have I taught the kid nothing?!) Does one forbid them from seeing each other? Or does one buy an economy sized box of condoms? Christ, I am only 37- I am not ready to be a grandmother yet!
To put it lightly, this puts me in a bind: Steve and I already signed the lease for the duplex, which really is only big enough to house us and my three youngest. There is room, but it will be tight. And having the four of them in a small space on a daily basis is a recipe for trouble- trust me- the younger three do much better when he is elsewhere (like football practice or church or dad's house.) A busy JA is a JA who does not have time or energy to pick on his siblings.
And Josh is not taking this latest development well: he called Steve and told him there was no way in hell he was going to R-ton; he would use the $4000 Troy's G'ma has in savings for him to emancipate (!) himself, then live with Troy's mom here in O'town (ha! She didn't rasie her own kids!) while going to school and working with my cousin's fiance installing windows and doors for $9/hr. Right. He can't even get his ass to the bus on time on a daily basis, and we live next to the bus stop!
OK. Let's calm down here and think about this. 1.) That $4000 is for his college education; there is no way Ann would take it out now and just give it to him, and even if she did, Troy would not allow it and I would make sure she NEVER saw JA again until he was a legal adult; 2.) No judge is going to emancipate a kid who is failing classes- emancipations are generally only granted when there is a pregnancy involved, (ach!) the situation at home is detrimental to the minor's physical/mental well-being (and that doesnt include parents who ground over grades and missed curfews!) the parents agree to the emancipation, (no way!) and/or the minor has demonstrated an ability to earn a living (not even close.)
To top it off, he has no driver's license. Troy and I will not let him get one until his grades are at a 'B' average- that has been the stipulation since August, and he has not cared enough about driving to do anything about it. End of story.
So. My game plan is this (and his dad has agreed, seeing as he has no game plan of his own and really doesn't give a shit): JA will enter Riverton HS as a Sophomore. This pains me, but sometimes a kid has to suffer the consequences of his actions, and I would rather it be now than later (like jail or homelessness.) If he shows effort and progress, he can get his license after the first nine weeks and maybe get a job (but he has to keep the grades up and stay in some sort of extra-curricular activity- chess team, glee club, Lesbian Pride Team- I don't care- something!) Next summer, I will allow him to take Junior College courses to make up his high school credits and maybe graduate with his class in 2010. If not, he stays in until 2011. End of story.
Good Lord, where does a mother go to resign?!
I'll preface this post by stating the positive: JA is one of the smartest, most amiable, most personable people you will ever meet. There is nothing he can't learn, nothing he can't do- especially academically. And on top of that, he's purdy! I remember when he walked into First Baptist School his fifth grade year and immediately became the Pied Piper (all those staid, straight-laced, repressed church kids must've been overwhelmed by his charm and charisma.) That old maid bitch of a teacher he had didn't take it very well, but it was my opinion she could go f*ck herself (oops! I guess that wasn't a very First Baptist sort of thing to say!)
Anyway, that being said, we all know brains and charm and charisma are wonderful qualities to possess- but they won't do a person a damned bit of good without drive, ambition, and good old fashioned hard work to undergird them. Unfortunately, Josh has gotten the notion that effort & industry are optional... until lately.
When it comes to school work- the most important facet of a kid's life, if he or she does not want to end up working in fast food and living in Mama'a basement- keeping his nose to the grindstone has been an ongoing struggle with JA, especially for the past three years. Like most kids, he ranks his social needs above his academic needs, and has received grades accordingly. This appalled me- MY kid, the one with all the brains, FAILING CLASSES?? I threatened, I bribed, I tried reason- nothing worked. Finally, in 2006, during the time when Troy and I were at our lowest ebb of communication (Oct/Nov) I cornered the kid with his progress report and told him if he brought home anything lower than a C on his report card in January, it would result in a mega-grounding: no phone, no tv, no internet, no friends, no extra-curriculars, no girlfriend, no overnights to grandma's- nothing.
Low and behold, two months later, his report card was a disaster! I shook my head at him and told him he knew the consequences and to go to his room.... only to have his father contradict me when he got home. HE would handle this- HE would check all JA's homework, check his agenda book, do the follow ups... which lasted about two weeks. JA ended up failing a couple classes, then later blamed it on our separation (that's a whole other story...)
Well, this year has been no better, and people (family, friends, my co-workers, EVERYONE,) is getting tired of his 'Poor JA- he has suffered so much! Pity him!' schtick. But he is still playing it to the hilt, and in the meantime, he still thinks he can continue to enjoy himself without putting any effort toward his school work.
Now for the clincher: he is failing three classes yet again, and he probably will not graduate in 2010. Troy and I have talked to him both together and seperatetly, Steve has talked to him, my dad has talked to him- but with no results. So Troy, being so noble and concerned (and wanting to move back in with his grandparents so he can save his money,) has graciously allowed Josh to continue living with me, rather than taking care of him here in O'town, where he was told he could graduate (since, as Troy put it, the only reason JA has given him for staying in O'town is his social life, not his academics.)
Adding to these problems, there is the new girlfriend, who is a year ahead of JA, who will be graduating midterm next year and entering college, and who has been fornicating ON MY BED with him in recent months (and thought she was pregnant not too long ago! Egads! Sex- and unprotected sex at that! Have I taught the kid nothing?!) Does one forbid them from seeing each other? Or does one buy an economy sized box of condoms? Christ, I am only 37- I am not ready to be a grandmother yet!
To put it lightly, this puts me in a bind: Steve and I already signed the lease for the duplex, which really is only big enough to house us and my three youngest. There is room, but it will be tight. And having the four of them in a small space on a daily basis is a recipe for trouble- trust me- the younger three do much better when he is elsewhere (like football practice or church or dad's house.) A busy JA is a JA who does not have time or energy to pick on his siblings.
And Josh is not taking this latest development well: he called Steve and told him there was no way in hell he was going to R-ton; he would use the $4000 Troy's G'ma has in savings for him to emancipate (!) himself, then live with Troy's mom here in O'town (ha! She didn't rasie her own kids!) while going to school and working with my cousin's fiance installing windows and doors for $9/hr. Right. He can't even get his ass to the bus on time on a daily basis, and we live next to the bus stop!
OK. Let's calm down here and think about this. 1.) That $4000 is for his college education; there is no way Ann would take it out now and just give it to him, and even if she did, Troy would not allow it and I would make sure she NEVER saw JA again until he was a legal adult; 2.) No judge is going to emancipate a kid who is failing classes- emancipations are generally only granted when there is a pregnancy involved, (ach!) the situation at home is detrimental to the minor's physical/mental well-being (and that doesnt include parents who ground over grades and missed curfews!) the parents agree to the emancipation, (no way!) and/or the minor has demonstrated an ability to earn a living (not even close.)
To top it off, he has no driver's license. Troy and I will not let him get one until his grades are at a 'B' average- that has been the stipulation since August, and he has not cared enough about driving to do anything about it. End of story.
So. My game plan is this (and his dad has agreed, seeing as he has no game plan of his own and really doesn't give a shit): JA will enter Riverton HS as a Sophomore. This pains me, but sometimes a kid has to suffer the consequences of his actions, and I would rather it be now than later (like jail or homelessness.) If he shows effort and progress, he can get his license after the first nine weeks and maybe get a job (but he has to keep the grades up and stay in some sort of extra-curricular activity- chess team, glee club, Lesbian Pride Team- I don't care- something!) Next summer, I will allow him to take Junior College courses to make up his high school credits and maybe graduate with his class in 2010. If not, he stays in until 2011. End of story.
Good Lord, where does a mother go to resign?!
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