So. In the midst of the drama that is my life, I must pause for a moment and post a re-cap on the JA situation. Suffice it to say, there are VOLUMES waiting to be written concerning my first born, but I shall try to keep it brief: just the facts, ma'am.
I'll preface this post by stating the positive: JA is one of the smartest, most amiable, most personable people you will ever meet. There is nothing he can't learn, nothing he can't do- especially academically. And on top of that, he's purdy! I remember when he walked into First Baptist School his fifth grade year and immediately became the Pied Piper (all those staid, straight-laced, repressed church kids must've been overwhelmed by his charm and charisma.) That old maid bitch of a teacher he had didn't take it very well, but it was my opinion she could go f*ck herself (oops! I guess that wasn't a very First Baptist sort of thing to say!)
Anyway, that being said, we all know brains and charm and charisma are wonderful qualities to possess- but they won't do a person a damned bit of good without drive, ambition, and good old fashioned hard work to undergird them. Unfortunately, Josh has gotten the notion that effort & industry are optional... until lately.
When it comes to school work- the most important facet of a kid's life, if he or she does not want to end up working in fast food and living in Mama'a basement- keeping his nose to the grindstone has been an ongoing struggle with JA, especially for the past three years. Like most kids, he ranks his social needs above his academic needs, and has received grades accordingly. This appalled me- MY kid, the one with all the brains, FAILING CLASSES?? I threatened, I bribed, I tried reason- nothing worked. Finally, in 2006, during the time when Troy and I were at our lowest ebb of communication (Oct/Nov) I cornered the kid with his progress report and told him if he brought home anything lower than a C on his report card in January, it would result in a mega-grounding: no phone, no tv, no internet, no friends, no extra-curriculars, no girlfriend, no overnights to grandma's- nothing.
Low and behold, two months later, his report card was a disaster! I shook my head at him and told him he knew the consequences and to go to his room.... only to have his father contradict me when he got home. HE would handle this- HE would check all JA's homework, check his agenda book, do the follow ups... which lasted about two weeks. JA ended up failing a couple classes, then later blamed it on our separation (that's a whole other story...)
Well, this year has been no better, and people (family, friends, my co-workers, EVERYONE,) is getting tired of his 'Poor JA- he has suffered so much! Pity him!' schtick. But he is still playing it to the hilt, and in the meantime, he still thinks he can continue to enjoy himself without putting any effort toward his school work.
Now for the clincher: he is failing three classes yet again, and he probably will not graduate in 2010. Troy and I have talked to him both together and seperatetly, Steve has talked to him, my dad has talked to him- but with no results. So Troy, being so noble and concerned (and wanting to move back in with his grandparents so he can save his money,) has graciously allowed Josh to continue living with me, rather than taking care of him here in O'town, where he was told he could graduate (since, as Troy put it, the only reason JA has given him for staying in O'town is his social life, not his academics.)
Adding to these problems, there is the new girlfriend, who is a year ahead of JA, who will be graduating midterm next year and entering college, and who has been fornicating ON MY BED with him in recent months (and thought she was pregnant not too long ago! Egads! Sex- and unprotected sex at that! Have I taught the kid nothing?!) Does one forbid them from seeing each other? Or does one buy an economy sized box of condoms? Christ, I am only 37- I am not ready to be a grandmother yet!
To put it lightly, this puts me in a bind: Steve and I already signed the lease for the duplex, which really is only big enough to house us and my three youngest. There is room, but it will be tight. And having the four of them in a small space on a daily basis is a recipe for trouble- trust me- the younger three do much better when he is elsewhere (like football practice or church or dad's house.) A busy JA is a JA who does not have time or energy to pick on his siblings.
And Josh is not taking this latest development well: he called Steve and told him there was no way in hell he was going to R-ton; he would use the $4000 Troy's G'ma has in savings for him to emancipate (!) himself, then live with Troy's mom here in O'town (ha! She didn't rasie her own kids!) while going to school and working with my cousin's fiance installing windows and doors for $9/hr. Right. He can't even get his ass to the bus on time on a daily basis, and we live next to the bus stop!
OK. Let's calm down here and think about this. 1.) That $4000 is for his college education; there is no way Ann would take it out now and just give it to him, and even if she did, Troy would not allow it and I would make sure she NEVER saw JA again until he was a legal adult; 2.) No judge is going to emancipate a kid who is failing classes- emancipations are generally only granted when there is a pregnancy involved, (ach!) the situation at home is detrimental to the minor's physical/mental well-being (and that doesnt include parents who ground over grades and missed curfews!) the parents agree to the emancipation, (no way!) and/or the minor has demonstrated an ability to earn a living (not even close.)
To top it off, he has no driver's license. Troy and I will not let him get one until his grades are at a 'B' average- that has been the stipulation since August, and he has not cared enough about driving to do anything about it. End of story.
So. My game plan is this (and his dad has agreed, seeing as he has no game plan of his own and really doesn't give a shit): JA will enter Riverton HS as a Sophomore. This pains me, but sometimes a kid has to suffer the consequences of his actions, and I would rather it be now than later (like jail or homelessness.) If he shows effort and progress, he can get his license after the first nine weeks and maybe get a job (but he has to keep the grades up and stay in some sort of extra-curricular activity- chess team, glee club, Lesbian Pride Team- I don't care- something!) Next summer, I will allow him to take Junior College courses to make up his high school credits and maybe graduate with his class in 2010. If not, he stays in until 2011. End of story.
Good Lord, where does a mother go to resign?!
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