Faith and Such

So here I am, making a mental list of all the things I need done by the month of May (since we should technically have the keys to a new house by then, even if I will be unable to move into said house until the kidlets are out of school, closer to the end of May.) I know I need to do Spring cleaning and begin condensing and packing everything that can be packed without disrupting daily life, (come on Spring weather! Clothing is so much easier to box up and store in the basement when one is not between seasons!) I need to research schools and start making appointments to look at houses. I have to make a list of things Steve and I positively must have and absolutely will not tolerate in a home. And on and on and on...

And, of course, I will have to notify friends and family about our relocation, and perhaps have a good cry or two with those closest to me about my impending departure.

Wait.

Most of my family already knows that I will most likely be moving, and the only ones who have expressed an interest in this move have been my dad and step-mom. Since I am moving two hours away, the two of them will most likely be moving south as soon as Dad retires so Pat can be with her kids again, and most importantly, with her new grandson. I have not seen or heard from my sister since October (she's a North-Ender now; she doesn't mingle with O'town trash like me.) And my mom has decided Steve is Satan incarnate, and that my re-marriage and move is tantamount to child abuse. And my friends....?

What friends?

At church, my reception has been chilly at best since last May. People will greet me, but scurry away as quickly as possible, lest they be sullied by my adulterous reputation. Those I felt closest to- with whom I have shared my deepest soul-baring concerns- now dismiss me with a polite nod or even a condescending sneer. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. They forget I know them. Very well. I know all about their porn addictions, their secret lusts, their financial infidelity, their envy and strife; I know about their lies, their sloth, and their gluttony. We have shared these struggles for almost seven years, prayed over them together, and loved each other through them all. But it seems my sin is far greater than all theirs combined, and is unforgivable- though I have never asked for their forgiveness. Hell, none of them have had the balls to ask me to my face about any of this.

Evidently my divorce and my relationship with Steve have given them reason to believe I am not as 'Christian' as they thought. Au contraire. Their treatment of me makes me question their relationships with Christ. I have never passed judgment on any of them- I have loved them and accepted them for who and what they are. When gossip would spring up about any of them, I was the first to squelch it or change the subject- not my business. I have not had the favor returned.

Just last week, Steve had a chance at a job within driving distance of O'town; the pay and benefits would have been comparable to what he will be making here, and he knows many of the people in the company. After the rough couple of weeks he has had, it was tempting to take it. After all, the job would be easier and he would not have to fight the self-doubt and uncertainty he has with his current company. Everything would have been easier and more convenient for him and for me. But when he seriously contemplated it, his peace left him. He took it to God, and God told him the same thing He told me: Steve is in S-field for a reason; we are to make a fresh start here, away from the strife and drama we will leave behind. Spiritually, financially, emotionally- the peace of our entire beings is at stake. This path is not the easy one, but it is the one we must take.

I challenge anyone to doubt his faith, for any reason. And likewise, mine as well.