That is the only way I can describe the past year: absolute insanity. A separation, a new home, legal procedings, a surgery, financial obligations, parenting issues, health issues. Two uncles with cancer (one terminal,) one crazy mother, a large group of hostile ex in-laws, and a new job that changed both my income and lifestyle.
Can you say PAXIL? (No, I'm not on it. Yet.)
I can definately say this has been one of the most tumultuous years of my life. I am in a much different place on January first of 2008 than I was exactly one year ago today. But have I changed for the better? Is my life better? Am I headed in a positive direction?
Change is almost never easy or pleasant. I can say I take great pride in paying all my own bills, in keeping it together in the house, and in making sure my children are clean, well-fed, and somewhat happy. My fuse is a little shorter, I am a little more stressed and driven (cuz if I don't do it, no one will!) and my fitness level is not where it was. But I no longer walk around heartsick, hating myself, or looking forward with a heavy heart. I have new job prospects. (What I have now pays the bills, but my kids need me home more. And I truly need to get back into college.) I have a new fitness center to play in. And I am still standing. Not bad.
However, the future is still up in the air. No idea where I will be this time next year, sometimes unsure of where Steve and I are going. Still not completely sure what it is that I want in the end.
Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out.
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt.
-The News Boys
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